


Family in Name and in Fact

by Fighting4Fandoms



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe, Bisexual Diego Hargreeves, Body Dysphoria, Christmas, Day At The Beach, Dead Reginald Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Game Night, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Luther Hargreeves, Halloween, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, One Shot Collection, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Siblings, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding, Sobriety, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 27,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25706518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fighting4Fandoms/pseuds/Fighting4Fandoms
Summary: A collection of One Shots based on the comics and the show. SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2Five gets the nap and hug he deserves.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s), The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 319
Kudos: 690





	1. Back to the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five gets a hug, takes place after the end of season 2

Everyone else had time to adjust and rest after the havoc that was the 2019 apocalypse when they landed in the 60s. 

Five, on the other hand, had a really rough two weeks. 

He had seen his family die twice. 

Been shot and had a shrapnel injury that hasn't had time to really heal. 

Five was used to not eating. During his time walking around in the apocalypse, food was scarce or out of date. His old self was short because he had been malnourished during the apocalypse days. 

Five was exhausted and had been fueled by coffee and adrenaline but now... oh he really needed to sleep. 

"Oh my God, guys!" Klaus cheered, clapping his hands rapidly, bouncing up and down like a child in a candy shop. "We're back! We actually succeeded at doing something!" 

Allison's eyes kept flickering to the door, "I should go and find Claire." 

"DRINKS!" Klaus shrieked. "I need one, don't know about you guys, come on Vanny." 

"Yeah, I could do with one." Vanya felt Klaus wrap his long arms around her small frame. She finally felt like a true member of the family and was more than happy to drink with them. Klaus giggled happily but Vanya could see that he was merely trying to distract himself from losing Ben. She'd make sure than he wasn't dangerously drinking. 

Luther dragged Allison along, "Come on, just one drink! We all deserve it." 

"Okay, okay, just one." Allison smirked, "Come on, Diego, you can mope about Lila later. Time for us all to have a drink." 

Diego felt himself being dragged by Luther and Allison into the living room, he didn't even try to drag himself away. He really needed a drink. 

Luther, Allison and Diego joined Vanya and Klaus by the bar. Klaus was already pouring drinks for everyone but he noticed that someone was missing. 

"Hey, guys," He handed Vanya a drink, "where's Five?" 

Whilst everyone else was celebrating the fact that they were home and the apocalypse had been averted, everything that had happened was flooding back into Five's mind and it had only just hit him that... the apocalypse was over. 

He had done it. 

He had actually managed to save his family even though he had seen them all die... twice. It's not something that you just forget. He could hear them all, alive and happy in the other room. 

For the first time in a long time, he had a sit down without having the threat of the world ending. 

It was only really then when he realized the weight that sat on his shoulders. All the risks he had taken, the people he's killed. He remembered the pain that came with them even though every one else saw him as an apathetic bastard. He really wasn't. If he was... he would not have come to save them all. 

"I've done it." 

He felt his eyes go heavy for the adrenaline had finally gone. After two long weeks, Five could say that he needed his bed and needed a good old sleep but there was a problem. He was too afraid. Even in the apocalypse, Five found it difficult to sleep. Insomnia and the voice of his father plaguing his dreams. 

"Five?" 

Five could hear Diego approach him. Five was sitting on the staircase with his head dipped so low that Diego couldn't even see his face. Diego crouched in front of him but he didn't have a clue what to say. 

"FIVEY!" Klaus' feet thundered against the floor and he slid in front of Five and knelt beside Diego. 

Allison and Vanya joined after, sitting either side of Five and Luther came in last, standing behind Diego and Klaus. 

"Five, are you...?" Vanya's voice trailed off when Five lifted his head up to reveal a sight that his siblings hadn't seen in a long, long, long time. 

Five was crying. 

"I don't like this." Klaus said above a whisper. "I don't like Five crying." 

"Are you okay?" Allison asked, putting a hand on Five's shoulder. 

Five nodded but then shook his head, "I watched you all die." 

"We know, from the apocalypse." Luther reiterated, kneeling down. 

"No," Five cleared his throat, angrily swiping his tears away, "I saw you die at the barn, I managed to rewind time by a few seconds but you all died." 

"Shit." Diego sighed. "Come on." 

"Come on what?" Klaus asked, chuckling at the innuendo it could have been. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself." 

Diego was the first one to gather Five into his arms which alarmed everyone. 

"Huh, I always knew you were just a big old softy." Allison giggled, being the second one to join the hug. 

"Me next!" Klaus jumped onto them, "Come on monkey man, Vanny!" 

Vanya was buried beside Five and Luther put his big arms around his siblings and lifted them up off the ground, burying them all against each other. 

"I love you guys, so much." Five's voice was muffled but the sentiment remained. Despite his homicidal tendencies, Five really did love his siblings and the storm was far behind them... 

...at least for now. 


	2. Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five finds out something that he didn't know before.

It was a normal enough day.

Although most days had been normal enough as they could be with the Hargreeves family involved, Klaus said something though that made Five... slightly unhinged. 

Growing up, they all knew that they were born on the same day. It was one of the things that made them an iconic family. Seven kids all being born on the same day but from women who weren't pregnant when the day had began. 

Anyway, they were all sitting in the living room when Klaus had opened his mouth. 

"I always thought it was a little strange that you two were twins." Klaus said from his seat on the sofa, he was sitting upside down with his legs on the back of the sofa. 

"Huh?" Five raised an eyebrow. "Who are twins?" 

"You didn't know?" Vanya asked, fumbling her hands together. 

"Know what?" Five asked, looking between Vanya, Klaus and Diego who was playing darts with his knives at the mounted stag. 

Five wasn't a person that became easily confused but this was one thing that he did not understand. At all. 

"Oh." Klaus looked away, trying not to keel over laughing. "Nothing, Five-O, nothing at all." 

Five blinked over to him and looked over him with a serious look on his face, "Okay, you imbecile, I'm not in the mood for games." 

"He's talking about you and Luther." Diego said nonchalantly, readying himself to throw another knife. 

Five closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head, "No way. There is no way that Ape-Man and I are twins. We don't even look the same." 

"To be fair, there is an age gap." Vanya pointed out. 

"And there's a thing called non-identical twins." Diego snickered to himself, the idea that Number One and Number Five were twins was somewhat hilarious. 

"LUTHER!!!" 

Allison and Luther had just walked into the academy with bags of groceries when they heard Five raging from the living area. 

"What the hell-" Allison was the first to walk in to see Five visibly seething in anger and confusion. 

"YOU!" Five pointed at Luther. "Did you know that we were twins?" 

"Yes." Luther nodded. "Guys, did you tell him?" 

Vanya and Diego pointed at Klaus who had fallen from the sofa and had begun to crawl over to the bar to hide from Five. 

"Why are you so angry?" Allison shrugged, "It's not that bad." 

"Huh." Five scoffed, "No offence, Allison, but I'm not taking advice from the person who-"

"Five. Can we not bring the whole Alluther thing up?" Diego asked, "I'm still recovering from the whole Lila thing." 

"Alluther?" Vanya snorted. "You have a name from it?" 

"Klaus and I may or may not have come up with the name." Diego looked away and did contemplate joining Klaus behind the bar. 

"We aren't getting distracted from the whole Five and Luther being twins thing are we?" Klaus popped his head up from behind the bar. 

"No, we aren't." Five pointed at Luther. "Did you know the whole bleeding time?" 

"Yes." 

"Jesus H Christ." Five paced the living room. "Why am I so bothered by this?" 

"Because you've got Monkey Man for a twin." Diego shouted over. 

"Hey," Vanya cleared her throat from the sofa, "it could be worse." 

"How?" Five said loudly. "How, pray tell, could it be worse?" 

"I mean, you could be aliens like Dad." 

... 

"What?!"


	3. The Moon vs. JFK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luther and Diego radiate the same energy

It was an unspoken rule that Saturday evenings were family time. 

As kids fun time was restricted between noon and half past noon on Saturdays and oh how the Hargreeves remembered sneaking off to Griddy's Doughnuts and eating so many doughnuts that they'd be throwing up on the way home. It wasn't much but it was enough to show that they did in fact love each other and didn't hate each other. 

Diego realized that they really needed to stop drinking so much, it wasn't fair on Five. Diego had noticed that Five drank way to much. It wasn't Five's fault of course. There wasn't exactly a surplus of clean water in the apocalypse. So instead he suggested that they have games night, karaoke or watch movies. 

Strangely, everyone agreed. 

Klaus hated that he didn't remain sober for longer but hell he was heartbroken and gin was a 'great' escape. He actually really enjoyed the idea of being sober enough to remember the nights he spent with his family. 

It was a fairly quiet night. They had just finished playing monopoly, Vanya winning of course, when they were chilling in the living room. Allison had made mocktails and began handing them out to each other. 

"Hey guys," Klaus giggled to himself from the floor, "I just realized something."

"That you're an idiot." Five joked, sipping from the glass. 

"Well, yes, but we all already knew that anyway." Klaus winked. 

Allison passed Klaus an umbrella to put in his glass, "Then what, bro?"

"You guys remember how Luther wouldn't shut the hell up about the moon?" 

Luther's jaw dropped, 'the audacity', "Hey!" 

"Diego couldn't stop talking about JFK the whole damn time we were in Dallas." 

"Your point?" Five raised an eyebrow. 

"They're basically the same person. Two bodies - Antonio Banderas and King Kong - one mind." 

Vanya put her drink to the side while she laughed, "You've got a point there." 

Diego pointed accusingly at Klaus, wagging his finger, "Hey, pal, do NOT compare me to that... idiot... over there." 

"Oh, Diego, you gonna cry?" Allison mocked, giggling innocently. 

Diego and Luther looked at each other for a moment, but then burst out laughing. 

"Team Zero?" Luther put his hand out. 

"Team Zero all the way mofos." Diego high fived him. "You hear that suckers! NO MORE NUMBERS!" 

"My name's a number, asshole." Five scoffed. 

"Well, you are the weirdo who didn't want a name." Diego retorted. 

"Say if Five did want a name," Klaus pushed himself upwards, "what would we call the murder baby?" 

"Hmm, Arthur." Vanya suggested, chuckling. 

"Carmichael." Klaus jumped to his feet. 

Five shook his head, "No. He was surprisngly tasty." 

"You ate someone?" Luther stared at him, worryingly. 

Five shook his head, "No, he's a fish." 

"Ew." Allison retched in disgust, "Five, Jesus." 

"Jesus." Diego pointed. "But like... hey zeus." 

"No." Five deadpanned. 

"I know. GERARD!" Klaus gently punched Vanya's arm. "I'm calling you that from now on." 

"Call me Gerard," Five blinked over to him, "and I'm cutting that mop of a hair off."

"Don't touch the hair, Gerard!" 


	4. Ballroom Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siblings relive a part of their childhood

It was a really stupid idea that Klaus had come up with. 

No surprise there, really. 

Anyway, they were sitting in the dining room, around the table eating a lasagna that Allison and Vanya had made that afternoon when Klaus lifted his glass up and came up with the idea. 

"I think it's a good idea." Allison winked at Klaus. 

Klaus giggled like a child, "There is just one problem." 

"And what's that?" 

"My dance partner isn't here anymore." Klaus said, frowning slightly. 

There was a moment of silence for Ben when Klaus said it but Diego broke the silence but nudging Klaus. 

"I'll dance with you, Klaus." Diego smirked. "I'm the better dancer."

"Not what I saw at the consulate." Five muttered under his breath. 

"Sorry, Five, what was that? I couldn't hear over your MASSIVE ego." Diego snarled playfully. 

"Would you care to tell the others that it was Lila who led you or do you want to?" 

"Aww." Vanya fawned, "That's actually rather sweet."

"Well good news, Diego," Klaus said, "I always led Benerino in dance class so... you get to regain that side of you." 

"Fine, whatever." Diego's cheeks had burned red. 

"I'll go with Luther, my old dance buddy." 

Luther smiled, like the big goofball he was. 

Klaus was the first to run into the old training rooms where they practiced dancing, taking Diego's hand, practically dragging him along by his hair. Allison and Luther held hands as they followed in pursuit and Five noticed that Vanya wasn't following.

"Come on, sis." Five offered his hand. 

"I never got to join in." Vanya said, sadly. 

"Well, you can be my partner." Five said softly. "We're a big ol' family now. No way are you sitting on the sidelines again. 

"Thanks, Five."

Vanya took her brother's hand and walked beside him into the training room. She remembered standing beside Reginald, watching the others training. Envying them. Wishing she could be with them. 

Klaus must have planned this before he told them because he had dragged the record player out of Luther's room and had brought down a couple of records. 

"Really Klaus?" Luther folded his arms. "You little rat?" 

"A sexy rat." Klaus stroked his chest, then his hair, "You wish you could have this bad boy but hmm... I ain't Allison." 

"KLAUS!" Allison looked ready to throw hands with him. "You really need to stop bringing that up." 

"Do something a tad more dramatic and maybe I will." 

Diego laughed under his breath, trying but failing which made Klaus point at him, "Come, Antonio, we must dance."

"Antonio?"

Diego sighed at Luther, "Banderas."

"If you hate being called that, do you want me to cut your hair?" Allison asked, "I worked in a salon after all."

"Oh hell no," Diego touched his hair, "I like it." 

"ANYWAY." Five clapped his hands together, "Are we doing this or what?" 

Vanya was anxious to say the least, she spent many years watching her siblings train but she had never joined them. The fact that she would be Five's partner was even more nerve-wracking. Five had always been the one she looked up to the most. He would take things very seriously, maybe a bit too seriously. Luther wasn't wrong in saying that Five thought he was better at everyone. Five was... well he had control over his power because he liked his power. The others, well, not as much as he did. 

What Vanya didn't know however was that Five was just as anxious. 

You see, when they were dancing, Five wasn't as good as his siblings were. He had what people would say, two left feet. He never saw himself as a good dancer. 

"Okay! A 5, 6, 7, 8!" 

The music that was playing was not the classical music that their father would play but Shakira's Hips Don't Lie and it was a rather amusing sight to see Diego and Klaus doing the waltz, rather dramatically to be added, around the training room. Klaus dipping Diego did make even Five giggle. Luther and Allison resembled their much younger selves much to the delight of Klaus because that meant he could take the piss out of them more. 

Vanya felt at ease as Five led her around the room, they were always close when they were kids because Five actually treated her like she was a member of the family and not just an outsider. Life just hadn't been the same all that time he had been gone. 

"You okay?" Five whispered. 

"Yeah." Vanya coughed, "I was just thinking." 

"About?" 

"What would life had been like if you never left?" 

"Well, Vanny!" Klaus shouted over to them. "Five-O over there would be looking much older but not too old, probably tall like his twin boy over there-"

"Please don't..." Luther chuckled. "Five may feel intimidated. 

"Me?" Five gasped. "Intimidated by you? P-lease brother. You'd shit yourself if I went manic on you."

"Huh, if I recall," Luther said as they stopped dancing and gathered around in a circle, Shakira still singing in the background, "you were the one that was farting the whole damn time." 

Five looked away embarrassed. 

"Wait, what?" Allison said, trying to stifle a laugh. 

"Well," Luther began to explain, "Five met his younger self when JFK got shot and went through paradox psychosis and do tell us Five what one of the stages is?" 

Five sighed heavily, "Flatulence." 

"Five! HA!" Klaus cackled, "You farted!" 

"Yeah well-" Five shook his head, he couldn't think of a come back. "At least I didn't call up an old woman and interrogate her."

"Huh?" Vanya raised an eyebrow.

"That wasn't just me!" Luther defended himself, "Was it Diego?" 

Diego had been leaning against Klaus, enjoying the chaos that was unfolding in front of him, "Not my fault Dad didn't teach us Swedish." 

"You interrogated an old lady?" Allison asked, folding her arms, truly curious about it all. "What did she do?" 

Diego batted his hands, "Doesn't matter, what does matter is... why the hell is Klaus doing the macerena to Shakira?" 

They all turned their heads to see Klaus standing in front of them all doing as Diego had described. Rather than asking questions, the rest of the siblings went into the line and began to join in, it was a shambles but it was a rather wholesome sight of music bringing them altogether rather than driving them apart. 

"SHAKIRA SHAKIRA!" Klaus screeched as the song ended. 


	5. Undercover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego, Klaus and Five go undercover

"Okay, explain to me one last time... why are we bringing Klaus, Five?" 

Five put his fingers to the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and sighed. "For the last time, Klaus is here because he is surprisingly really good going undercover."

"Huh." Diego tutted, he then checked his watch, "where is he?" 

"HERE!" Klaus burst into the car door and sat himself in the back seat. "Sorry, about that, I needed the right get up."   
Five and Diego turned to look at what exactly he was wearing. 

"Is that a suit?" Diego asked. 

"Yes."

"Where did you get a suit from?" Five asked. 

"Hmm... closet. Obviously. Where else am I going to get clothes from?" 

The mission was easy-peasey- lemon-squeezey. At least in Five's mind. Diego, on the other hand, was worried that Klaus would be a little extravagant. 

"So, what exactly are we doing?" Diego asked Five, realizing that he didn't know the full extent of what the plan was that Five had described to him vaguely before leaving. 

"Simple. We go into that building over there and you two distract the workers whilst I do what I came here to do."

"It's a pet store." Diego gestured to the building that Five had briefly pointed to. 

"Oh yes I forgot that you couldn't read." Five mocked sarcastically, making Klaus chuckle. 

"Okay," Diego rolled his eyes, let's go." 

"Lose the knives." Five said to him. 

"Fine." 

"Oh, dang Five, making Diego leave his knives." Klaus gasped, "That's like telling a baby to lose their rattle. Madness." 

Klaus, Diego and Five walk into a pet store. 

...No. It's not the start of some lame joke but it was the start of some amazing improvisation on Klaus' part. 

"Hello, how can we help you today?" A little too perky worker asked them. 

"Well, hello there," Klaus dipped his head, "My name is... Sir Wartlesby. This is my husband Antonio and our son... Gerard." 

"Antonio..." Diego shook his head and put a hand to his face. 

"Fucking Gerard!" Five tried not to shout. He was so tempted to grab some shears from the counter and take off Klaus' hair like he said like he had promised but he had a task at hand. He managed to sneak away, leaving Diego to keep an eye on Klaus, and into the backroom where he had an inkling the thing he was looking for was in there. 

"Why the hell can we not get a tortoise, Antonio?!" Klaus screeched, "It's not like we'll lose him. Not turn around and he's gone like the poltergeist or some shit like that." 

"You really think you could look after a tortoise?" Diego played along. 

"Fine. I'll get a cat!" 

"nO!" 

"Why not?!" Klaus sulked. "You know I love pussy." 

"...Wow." Diego stifled a laugh. "Hey, tell you what, you can have a fish." 

"A fish?" Klaus tilted his head, "why not?" 

"I could show you the fish that we sell?" The worker suggested, showing them where the tanks were." 

"Oh my... CHRIST!" Klaus excitedly exploded, "LOOK AT THEM!" 

Diego joined Klaus and looked through into the tanks, "They're fish." 

"YES!" Klaus clapped his hands together, "Can I call him... Flounder?" 

"Like the one from My Little Mermaid?" 

"Oui." Klaus pointed at the one he wanted. 

Diego paused and whispered to Klaus, "We're not actually getting a fish right?" 

"Why yes we are!" 

Diego stood back, "You're joking?" 

"Nope." Klaus beamed, showing his teeth, "Fish, please. Flounder is coming home." 

"Five might eat him." Diego tried to steer Klaus away from the fish and somehow the comment about Five eating the fish worked. 

"OH NO!" Klaus realized, gasping, "NOT FLOUNDER." 

"Oi numbnuts," Five whistled them from the door to the shop, "Let's go." 

"Oh thank God." Diego said, beginning to push Klaus out of the store. 

It was quite difficult to get Klaus out of the store but Diego being a tad stronger he did eventually get his insane brother into the front scene whilst Five got into the back of the car with a box in his hands. 

"Five, what did you do?" 

"Questions later. Get us home." 

"Aye, aye captain." Diego said as he put the keys into the ignition and proceeded to dash down the roads, Klaus hanging out of the window. 

"FLOUNDERRRRRRRRRR!" 


	6. Mr Pennycrumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think it was a travesty that Five did not get his puppy

Diego and Klaus did not even get a chance to ask Five what was in the box since Five had blinked back inside of the academy with that box in his hands. 

"What do you think Fivey stole?" Klaus asked, opening the car door. 

Diego shrugged, "Must be important, otherwise he wouldn't have gone." 

"True that." 

Klaus and Diego made their way back inside, quickly bumping into Allison, Luther and Vanya on the way. 

"Oh hey, guys." Allison waved. 

"Where have you been?" Luther raised an eyebrow in curiosity. 

"Oh," Klaus snapped his fingers, "running errands. Do gay, be crimes. That's my motto." 

Vanya snorted, "Wrong way around, dummy." 

"...it is?" 

"Anyway, where did Five go?" Diego asked. 

"How did you lose him?" 

"Gimme a break, Luther," Diego retorted, "he's like two inches tall."  
"I'm the smaller than Five." Vanya raised her hand. 

"You shorty!" Klaus giggled, making fun of her innocently. 

Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus and Ben walked into the living room where Five was sitting at the bar, one leg over the other, the box on the side. 

"Hello," Five waved cheekily. "How you been?" 

"Five, what ya got there?" Klaus asked first. 

"Oh, right, great question." Five gestured for his siblings to take a seat. "So, I went to a therapy session with the woman that Vanya recommended. It was uneventful, boring and a complete waste of my time." 

"Oh." Vanya furrowed her eyebrows together. 

"What's in the box, Five?" Allison asked. 

"So, the only bit of advice the woman gave me was that I should have something to be responsible for, you know, take care of and that." 

"Like a pet or something?" Luther asked. "A lizard?"

"Why the cheese would Five get a lizard?"

"Cheese?" Vanya eyed Klaus. 

"Yes, I'm trying something new. Not swearing but replacing them with words that make no sense." 

"So being yourself?" Five joked, "No, not a lizard."  
"A cat?" Vanya suggested, "I could see you as a cat person." 

"Or a snake?" said Diego, "Because you're definitely a snake." 

"You're all wrong." Five turned and picked up the box and opened the flaps to show his siblings a small little Golden Retriever puppy. "Meet Mr Pennycrumb." 

"Aww." They collectively cooed over the little puppy that put his paws on the edge of the box, looking at his new surroundings with a keen interest. 

"Bork!" He barked meekly, wagging his little tail. 

"He's a little shy." Five used one of his hands to stroke his new companion, "And he's mine, so if he goes missing, I'll be searching your rooms." 

"That's fair to be honest." Klaus shrugged his shoulders. 

"Klaus, if you have stolen that fish, I swear to-"

"Why would I bring a fish into the same house as Five?" 

Five just stared at his new friend who had begun to climb onto him, Five picked him up and dropped the box, Mr Pennycrumb seemed to like Five and had even begun to lick his face. 

"Awww!" Allison giggled. "Five's just a big old softie." 

"Stealing my thunder, is he?" 

"Get a dog, Diego and you can get it back." 


	7. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego has a date much to everyone's surprise and the surprise grows when they realize what app he has been using

It was a Friday night, Allison was brushing Klaus' hair in the kitchen with Vanya and Five drinking coffee at the table. The day had been boring, not a better word to describe it. Klaus was painting his fingernails, humming to himself. Vanya put her mug to the side and began to tune her violin, it had been a while since she had used it. 

Then Luther walked into the room with a confused look on his face, "Since when did Diego dress up?" 

"Huh?" Five looked to him, confusion growing on his own face. 

"Dress up?" Allison raised an eyebrow, did Luther not know their brother? 

Klaus nodded, "Yeah, I think he said something about a date or something, or something."

"What?!" The others gasped in shock. 

Diego? 

Their brother? 

The lone wolf? 

"Diego has a date?" Vanya reiterated, she tilted her head, "Yeah, that checks out." 

"What do you mean, Van?" Allison asked, platting Klaus' hair. 

"Well, I remember him saying that he wanted to move on from Lila, you know, after everything." Vanya explained to her siblings. 

The thing was... Diego wasn't over her. He said he loved her and he wasn't lying but it had been a few months since he had last seen her and he just concluded that he had to believe that she may have gone and wasn't planning to come back. 

And that hurt. 

To distract himself, he stupidly listened to Klaus and decided to go on a blind date. The thing was, he didn't even mention to Klaus who the person was, like their name or whatever. 

And he was fine with that. 

While his siblings were downstairs, he was in his room, putting his hair up into a nice bun, it wasn't half bad. He had been getting lessons from Allison and Klaus on how to do his hair. After some trying, he managed to make himself look good. If he was being honest with himself, Diego quite enjoyed having long hair. He also decided to go with blue jeans and a flannel, just casual but still smart enough for a date. Well it was an improvement on wearing the clothes he wore at the sanitarium or the sarong Klaus wore to a fraternity party. 

Still, Diego was ready for a long needed night out with someone. Someone who wasn't his family. He loved them, he did but he needed air to breathe which is really ironic considering Diego can hold his breath indefinitely. 

The doorbell rang and Klaus and Diego looked at each other as Diego came down the stairs but Klaus was quick and made it to the front door before he did. 

"Klaus!" Diego gritted his teeth. 

Klaus opened the door to reveal a Latino man, with a full sleeve tattoo, who was about 6 ft, had neat stubble and a charming smile that could slice someone in half. 

"Oh, hello there." Klaus winked at him

"You're not Diego, are you?" He spoke in a Spanish accent, sporting a leather jacket. 

"Oh, I'm his brother." 

"Mateo!" Diego bashfully greeted, "I'm Diego, this is Klaus and he was just leaving."  
"Oh I was?" Klaus snickered, "You sure you don't want to say goodbye to the others?" 

Klaus pointed to the door on the other end where Luther, Allison, Vanya and Five were peering over with smirks on their faces. 

"No, I'm good." Diego gently pushed Klaus out of the way of the door and led the man, Mateo, out and back through the gates. 

"You don't mind going on my bike, do you?" Mateo asked, "I brought a spare helmet."

"Hell yeah!" Diego cheered, catching the helmet. "I love bikes!"  
  


His siblings watched from the door with proud smiles on their faces. 

"Did anyone else know that Diego was into guys?" Luther asked, looking to the others. 

"Oh I've known for years," Klaus waved his hand, "I found him making out with this guy at this party we went too, not a bad looking guy, Norwegian, quite big. Made Diego look like his accessory. Either way, I brought Diego a knife with the bi flag on it." 

"That's sweet." Vanya fawned, "Do you reckon they'll last?" 

"I think he's in it for a one night stand." Klaus shrugged, "I could be wrong." 

"All this talk of love is making me hurl, can we eat burritos?" Five folded his arms as he watched Diego drive away on the back of Mateo's bike. "Mr Pennycrumb likes them." 

"You really shouldn't feed burritos to dogs, Five." Allison gagged. 

"I think you mean fur-ritos," Five giggled at himself, "Do ya get it? Because he's a dog!" 

"Bork!" Mr Pennycrumb jumped into Five's arms from behind him. 

"Fine!" Allison threw her arms up. "But if he's sick, you're cleaning it up." 


	8. Cicadas

Sunday mornings tended to be quiet. 

The usually stayed up late the night before because of Saturday Evening Family Time however on that particular Sunday morning a peculiar noise woke everyone from their sleep. 

Five was the first to wake up and when he did, he was not a happy bunny. 

"What the hell?" 

"Bork!" Mr Pennycrumb was wagging his tail, trying to bury his face under the pillow, the piercing noise coming from outside was excruciating to his ears. 

"Come on," Five yawned, stretching his arms over his head. 

Growing up, no one was certain why Five's room was in the attic whilst everyone else's was on the lower floors. It really isolated him but sometimes... Five needed that. 

Walking down the stairs with a rambunctious puppy on his tail, he soon found Diego looking outside of the window. 

"What the hell is making that noise?" Five asked him, Mr Pennycrumb barking in the background. 

Diego was wearing just his black vest and white briefs, staring out of the window. He moved along so Five could join him. 

"I'll give you four guesses." 

Five sighed. "What the hell is he doing?" 

Five and Diego saw Klaus hanging out of the tree, upside down so that his legs were keeping him from falling off the branch. 

"KLAUS!" Five whistled to him. "What are you doing, you idiot?" 

Klaus looked up, his long hair blowing in the wind, he waved with his hand that held the iconic 'HELLO' tattoo, grinning like a madman. "Fivey, Diego. How ya doing?" 

"Why are you screaming? It's 7AM." Diego growled. "I need my eight hours, man." 

"Sorry but it was a matter of life and death," Klaus had pulled himself up and sat on the branch, caressing the leaves. 

"What's going on?" Allison yawned from behind Diego and Five, she raised her eyebrows at Klaus as he sat in that tree. "What's he doing?" 

"We're just finding out now." Five had picked up the puppy and shoved him under his arm, stroking his soft fur. 

"So, Vanny told me that the cicadas were going missing, right?" Klaus explained. "Therefore I am screaming in their absence." 

"You're screaming in their absence," Diego tried to get his head around his brother's antics. "And what? You think you're better than the cicadas?" 

"Honey, I was a cult leader." 

"HA!" Allison snapped her fingers, "You admit you have a cult." 

Klaus sighed, "Fine, to make things slightly easier, Ally, yes." 

"AHHHHHHH!" Klaus screeched, the tree branch cracking. "CATCH ME!" 

Diego looked down, Allison peering over his shoulder to see two ghosts catch their lunatic of a brother, "That was something." 

"Should we go help him?" Allison asked. 

"Nah," Five shrugged, "he's just going to go back up there." 

"Damn right I am, Five-O." Klaus snickered. "I have a task to perform, in service of the cicadas." 


	9. Violin and Guitar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once upon a time, Diego and Vanya had a band

Allison and Klaus had gone shopping, Luther and Five were out with Mr Pennycrumb, so that just left Diego and Vanya in the academy. 

Diego never hated her when they were kids, he just didn't want her to get hurt. When he said it though, it sounded mean and he did feel guilty about it for a while and then Vanya had to go and write that stupid book. Diego was mad again but now he had a chance to truly make amends with his sister. 

When they were kids, they had to have their own hobbies or 'extra curricular' activities. Vanya had her violin and Diego actually played guitar and not to toot his own horn but he was actually pretty good. Not as good as Vanya was with her guitar but still good enough to hold a tune. 

Diego had walked into the living room where Vanya was sitting on the sofa, tuning her violin. 

"Hey, sis." Diego sat himself down on the opposite sofa. 

"Are you okay?" Vanya asked, noticing that Diego had been particularly quiet for the past few days. 

Diego shrugged, "Not really no but you have to keep going, you know?" 

"Yeah," Vanya sighed, "I really miss Sissy but I know that I had to let her go." 

"Well the two people I've loved are dead and gone." 

"What was she like?" asked Vanya, putting her violin down to listen to her brother. 

"You've met Lila." 

"I meant Eudora." 

Diego held his breath, something he found easy to do. "She was a good person and always saw the good in people. I let her go because she didn't deserve someone like me." 

"You're not a bad guy," Vanya reasurred. "You're a very good guy who bad things have happened to."

There was a moment of silence where Number Two and Number Seven looked at each other, both recognizing that they had trauma. Trauma that couldn't always be shared. 

"Do you remember when we were little and we wanted to have a band together?" Vanya chuckled at the memory. 

Diego joined in, laughing under his breath, "Yeah... Yeah I do actually. What made you think of that?" 

"I saw your old guitar in the kitchen." Vanya imagined the instrument in her mind, Klaus must have put it there. "Do you fancy playing again?" 

"You know what, hell yeah!" Diego jumped to his feet, "You think of what to play, and I'll get my guitar." 

Vanya held her violin up, embracing its new white shade and begun to play. 

_Poor old Johnny Ray_   
_Sounded sad upon the radio_   
_But he moved a million hearts in mono_   
_Our mothers cried, sang along, who'd blame them_

Diego sat himself down on a stool, picking the strings and playing along. 

_These people 'round here  
Were beaten down, eyes sunk in smoke-dried face  
They're resigned to what their fate is  
But not us (no, never), no, not us (no, never)  
We are far to young and clever_

Vanya giggled quietly as Diego started singing... along with Klaus, Luther, Allison and Five. 

"The bands back, bitches!" Klaus cackled, taking Allison and swinging her around, "Whoo!" 

Even Five started laughing, sitting down, tapping his foot along with the beat of the guitar and violin. 

Luther started doing that stupid crab dance move that he loved so much. 

"Guys, why do we not have our own musical?" Klaus bounced on his feet, "Can you imagine the singing, dance moves and I could do the visual effects! GHOSTIES!" 

"Yeah, we ain't doing that," Diego chuckled when the song came to the end, "Van and I are here for one night only." 

"So make the most of it," she winked to Diego, "you ready for round 2?" 

"Er... Of course I am!" Diego cheered, slapping his leg, the dancing started again and so much laughter was made that night. Music really was the sure for everything. 


	10. Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five talks to Allison about his time at the Commission

It was midnight and Allison could not sleep. 

She usually slept well but for some reason, no matter how tight she closed her eyes, she couldn't get to sleep and it was really beginning to annoy her. Sighing, she rolled out of bed and grabbed her dressing gown. She tip toed through the hallways, hearing her siblings sleep in their bedrooms, trailed downstairs and made her way into the kitchen. When she reached the steps to the kitchen, she could hear someone sniffle. Wondering who it was, Allison walked into the kitchen to see Five sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. 

"Hey." 

Five looked up, his eyes were puffy. Allison came to the conclusion that he had been crying. "Couldn't sleep?" 

Five shook his head, tapping his finger against the table. 

"I'm gonna get a glass of milk." 

"That was always your trick when we were kids when you couldn't sleep."   
"You remember that?" Allison tilted her head as she opened the fridge. 

Five nodded, "I had to remember the little details while I was in the apocalypse so I didn't lose my mind." 

Allison eyed her brother. He may have had the body of a teenager but he was an old man, he had lived a long life. A long, lonely life. She poured some milk into a glass and sat beside her brother. 

"We haven't really talked a lot, you know." Allison sipped, "Why weren't we that close when we were kids?" 

"Erm," Five tutted, "no idea. Well, we have time to talk now." 

"Yeah." Allison laughed under her breath, "What was it like out there, all alone?" 

"Hard." Five said simply, "Living day to day, trying to survive." 

"What's that Commission place you worked at?" 

"Oh. They monitor space and time. I was a field agent. I took out people who messed with the timeline." 

"Sounds rough." Allison studied her brother's face. 

"I haven't told anyone before... but there was a reason why I was the best." 

"Do you want to tell me?" 

Five looked at his sister, he could trust her. Hell, he could trust them all. Just not himself. 

"They did a surgery on me, changing, altering my DNA. They applied the DNA of some of the most notorious psychopaths and killers." A stray tear fell down his face. "I didn't want to be a killer but that's what they made me."

Allison didn't know what to say. She had killed before obviously but... Five couldn't help it. It was like an urge with him. He was their perfect instrument. Allison didn't think about it, she put her arms around her brother. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Hugging you." 

They were like that for a moment before Five pulled away. 

"Look what you made me do," He laughed under his breath, using his sleeve to wipe his tears away." 

Allison looked at what he was wearing, oh how she hated those blue pajamas. "I'm so getting you some new clothes." 

"What's wrong with the ones I have?" 

"Bro, they're the ones we'd all wear." Allison giggled, "I have no idea what you would look like in something other than that stupid uniform."

"Say what you want about them, but you have to admit that they were really comfy." 

"True." Allison agreed, "Listen, go get some sleep and we'll see what we can do in the morning." 

Five slugged down his coffee and rose to his feet, "Thank you, Allison, I really appreciate you listening. It means a lot." 

"Of course. You're my brother." Allison smiled. "I love you." 

"I love you too." 


	11. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego helps a little girl get home

Diego had it instilled into his brain from a young age that he was a hero. 

Not full on Batman but enough of a hero to make a difference. 

He was walking through the park one day when he heard the sound of a child crying. Diego wasn't all hard on the inside as he tried to be on the outside. Deep down he was a big old softy, not like we didn't know that anyway. He was walking through the park and saw a small girl crying, looking around frantically. 

Her little hands were shaking and you could see that she was panicking. 

"Hey," Diego said in the softest voice he could manage, crouching down to her level, "Are you lost?" 

The little girl nodded, tears soaking her brown cheeks, "I can't find my daddy." 

"Okay," Diego looked around, "where did you see him last?" 

The little girl turned and pointed to the far end of the park, "He was there." 

"Well, why don't we go back over there and I can wait with you?" 

Her little eyes lit up. "Really?!" 

Diego chuckled quietly, "Yeah, come on." 

He offered his hand which the little girl took with a beaming smile on her face. The two of them walked over to the bench and sat down, Diego wasn't a tall guy but the little girl next to him was so incredibly small that she looked like a little doll. A little doll with the biggest brown eyes that Diego had ever seen. 

"Sofia!" Diego heard a familiar voice call from across the park. Diego looked up to see Mateo from his date the other week running over to him.   
"Diego?" Mateo furrowed his eyebrows, "What are you doing here?" 

"Daddy!" The little girl, Sofia shouted. Mateo caught Sofia and brought her to his chest. 

"She your kid?" Diego asked. 

"Yeah." Mateo smiled proudly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Diego replied. 

Sofia put her little head against her father's chest. "Sorry that I never mentioned her before, I did have a nice evening though." 

"Me too." Diego smiled, "Listen, I know it's random but did you fancy going out again?" 

"Well considering you helped my little girl out, absolutely. I'll pay." 

"You sure?" 

Mateo smirked, "Pretty sure. Like my own knight in shining armour." 

"I don't know about that." 

"Listen, I've got to run but thanks so much again." Mateo shook his hand, kissing Diego's knuckles. "Say thank you, Sofia." 

"Thank you!" Sofia giggled. "Bye bye!" 

  
Diego watched them walk away and laughed under his breath, only shit like this would happen to him. Still, it took his mind off of other things, like Lila. He really didn't know if he would ever see her again and the idea of if they were biologically related or not was something that plagued his mind. Mateo seemed like a great distraction. 


	12. What Not to Call Things 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was so short but i had to show the prickle pickle off!

Luther and Five were sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and eating waffles. As you do. Luther was beginning to get on Five's nerves with the obsessive messy eating that he was doing. Was it that hard to eat with your mouth closed? 

"It's a new eating thing I'm trying, eating with your mouth opens oxygenates the food." 

"It's already dead." Five deadpanned. "What the hell does it need oxygen for?" 

Luther glared at him and his reply was interrupted by a weary looking Diego coming down the stairs. 

"Hey guys, have any of you seen my people-openers?" 

"Sorry," Luther blinked, "your what?" 

"My people opener?" Diego reiterated. 

"Your knife?" Luther raised his eyebrows, "Did you just refer to you knife as a 'people-opener'?" 

"Should I not have?" Diego turned to Five, shrugging. 

"It sounds reasonable enough." Five said simply, sipping on his coffee. 

Luther was speechless. 

Diego had managed to find it and had retreated out of the kitchen to do God knows what, he was soon replaced by Klaus who had come into the kitchen, stroking a cactus. 

"Hello, fellow siblings." Klaus did a T-pose. 

Five nodded, raising his mug. Luther on the other hand was still just as confused as he had been 10 minutes ago. 

"What's with the cactus?" Luther asked, finishing his waffle. 

"Cactus? I think you mean 'prickle pickle'." Klaus sat himself down, adjusting the bow that he had placed on top of the succulent. "Don't they look beautiful?" 

"I'm guessing you named them?" Five raised an eyebrow. 

"You know me so well, Cinco." Klaus went to ruffle his hair but Five was quick and batted his hand away. 

"Anyhoo, meet Dick." Klaus raised the cactus up. "Dickle the Prickle Pickle." "  
"Wow." Luther tried to be supportive but any other time Klaus had a plant... they ended up dead. 


	13. We Stan Dresses in this Family

It was Saturday Evening Family Time, they were watching a movie. Klaus was lying on the floor with a panda onesie on, Vanya and Allison were sitting on the sofa with a blanket around them, sharing popcorn. Diego was lying on the other sofa with his legs across Five, Mr Pennycrumb in between them and Luther was sitting on the floor with his back against the sofa the girls were sitting on. 

To be honest, no one was really concentrating on the film or even wondering why Klaus was in a onesie. 

"Don't you guys think it's really weird that no matter what clothes there are, when a character's on the run, they always find clothes that fit them like straight away?" Vanya asked the group, her hand resting on her chin. "I don't get it." 

"You've got a point there." Allison murmured in agreement. 

"If it makes y'all feel better," Diego let out a deep sigh, "when I escaped the asylum in Dallas, we couldn't find the right clothes either." 

"What did you end up wearing?" Luther asked. 

Five snorted to himself, resulting in Diego kicking him. 

"Don't laugh!" 

"Spill the beans, Di!" Klaus flipped himself over so he was facing his siblings. 

"Fine," Diego sighed, "Lila was wearing the trousers and shirt that I would have worn if they weren't so small and I had to wear... the pinafore."

"You looked very lovely." Five commented. 

Allison, Vanya and Luther chuckled to themselves while Klaus was deeply interested. 

"I always found dresses and skirts very comfortable." 

"Why?" Luther asked, "Wouldn't they be tight or something?" 

Klaus and Diego shook their heads in unison.   
"I don't conform to your bitch-ass gender norms." Klaus snapped his fingers. 

"I don't care that you wear them, Klaus." Luther uttered, "I'm just wondering why you do in the first place. Like... how do you pull them off so well?" 

Klaus gave the strangest look ever but it looked as though he was about to drop the sickest tape since the 90s. "Well, brother dear, you need to just believe in yourself in confidence."

"That's it?" 

"Oui". Klaus winked, "All clothes are unisex if you try." 

"Amen, brother." Diego high fived him. 

"Does this mean Diego might be wearing a dress sometime soon?" 

"Well I do have a date on Monday sooo." 

"Is this with the same guy?" Allison asked, trying to keep her cool, totally not excited or anything. 

"Yes." Diego stroked a sleeping Mr Pennycrumb, "It's with the same guy who I found out has a kid." 

"Awww." Vanya fawned, "That's adorable."

"She is pretty cute actually." Diego invisioned the little child in his mind, "Normally the people having kids puts me off but not this time." 

"They're soulmates." Luther joked. 

"Oh my god, they were soulmates." Klaus gasped, covering his mouth. "You'll have to marry him." 

"Hey!" Diego throw the cushion at him, "I don't know how I feel yet but he's nice and... well good for me." 

"Does this mean you'll have to wear a wedding dress?" Klaus joked, ducking when the pillow was thrown at his head. "I'll wear one for mine!" 

"We know!" The others said at the same time, really not surprised if he ended up wearing one. 


	14. The Empty Space

Vanya had once said that when Number Five had ran away, Ben was the glue that kept the family together. 

It still stood.

Since coming back from Dallas, there was that empty whole, the same whole that appeared when he died all those years ago, only everyone was feeling it. Everyone noticed that Klaus wasn't the same. You see, it was different for Klaus. When Ben died, he hadn't gone from Klaus. He was always there. So now that he was really gone, it was hard for Klaus to move on. Sometimes he would still put coffee out for Ben at the breakfast table even though he wouldn't drink it. Couldn't. 

It was midnight once again and Five had gone downstairs, leaving Mr Pennycrumb asleep on his bed, when he found Klaus in the kitchen. In a very similar fashion Allison had found him in. 

"You okay?" Five asked quietly. 

Klaus looked up, he hadn't been crying but it was like his mind had been somewhere else. Five came to the conclusion that it probably had. 

"I just realized that you hadn't seen Ben since you left all those years ago." Klaus croaked. "It was hard losing you but I knew that you were still out there." 

"Because you couldn't see me?" Five murmured. "I am sorry about that."  
"You can't blame yourself. Dad, on the other hand-"

"No," Five shook his head, taking the seat opposite from Klaus. "You know that I was a cocky shit when we were kids."

"Meh." Klaus shrugged. 

"I was too cocky for my own good." 

"Still, it didn't mean you had to be stranded in the future." 

"That's how I found out about Ben," Five remembered finding Vanya's book. 

"That stupid book," Klaus swore under his breath, "I hated how we treated her like shit." 

"Me too." 

"You didn't." Klaus remembered how close Vanya and Five were when they were little. "I remember seeing you with that damn smile, just listening to her play that violin. You actually looked calm for once." 

"I like music, what can I say?" 

"No, it's because Vanya didn't make you feel insignificant."

"Like Dave?" Five asked in the softest voice Klaus had ever heard. 

"Yes," Klaus sniffled. "Yeah, he made me feel like I wasn't useless. Curse me for loving someone." 

"It's not a bad thing to be in love, no matter what Dad said." 

"As much as I hated Dad," Klaus rubbed his eyes, "at least he wasn't a homophobe... or a racist." 

"Yeah," Five shook his head, "he locked us in mausoleums instead." 

"Or threw us off the roof." 

"Oh God," Five snickered, "I remember that. I was so pissed off for the rest of the week." 

"I mean, I think I would be too if my dad threw me off the roof." 

"What would he have done if I got hurt?" 

"Blamed you probably." Klaus shrugged, "thanks for listening, Five." 

"Yeah... you too." Five smirked. 

Number Five and Number Four sat at the table for a little while longer, contemplating their existence and how life may have differed for the both of them if Reginald Hargreeves was just a little bit kinder. 


	15. 1-7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to when the kids revealed their powers

Reginald Hargreeves knew that these children would be special. 

There was no way that these children couldn't be. 

The first inkling of just how special these children were came one night while he was sitting in his office, scribbling notes down into his red handbook. He heard a shrill erupt from the nursery upstairs. He didn't run but he was quick enough to hear all seven of the children crying while Number One's nanny was bouncing on her feet in an hysterical state, staring at the little boy on the floor. 

Reginald stared at the child for a moment and the mess he had cause, the crib was broken, the bars had been gripped so hard that they had broken into several pieces, causing Number One to fall onto the floor. Reginald bent down to pick up his son, noticing that he wasn't hurt but was giggling to himself. 

"You're a strong one, aren't you?" He then turned to the nanny, "Give Number One a replacement crib and make sure that the other children get some sleep."

The second sign came about a week later when the children were sitting around the nursery listening to their father read them Homer. They didn't quite understand the Greek but they were captivated except for Number Two who was more interested in his rattle. 

"Now, Number Two... you do need to pay attention." His nanny whispered to him. 

Number Two however had different ideas and threw the rattle in Reginald's direction but the rattle did not hit him but hit the other wall on the left hand side. 

"How interesting...." Reginald murmured. 

Number Three showed her abilities a little while later but hers were a little more difficult to realize or comprehend. Reginald had noticed that whenever Number Three did not want to do something all she had to do was throw a tantrum and her nanny would do something that Number Three would rather do. 

He had to wonder himself. 

It was during mealtime when he came up with a solution. He had noticed that Number Three had a severe dislike of fish. She hated the smell and would rather have anything but that. He told her nanny to give Number Three fish. 

"Trust me," he said, "I want to see something." 

The nanny gave Number Three mashed up fish and just as Reginald presumed, Number Three threw a tantrum and the nanny, with no hesitation, took the bowl away and gave her something more more pleasant. 

Reginald had noticed that Number Four would stare off into the distance, not paying attention. Number Four often had trouble sleeping and Reginald soon discovered why. 

One night, all he could hear was the sound of crying from the nursery. It didn't usually bother him but he was about to retire to his own bedroom when he could still hear Number Four wailing. 

Sighing, he headed to the nursery when he found Number Four's nanny bouncing him up and down, trying to get him to sleep. 

"I am sorry, Sir." The nanny tried to apologize. 

"Why don't you go to bed, I shall sort out Number Four." 

The nanny placed Number Four into Reginald's arms and soon scurried away. 

Number Four quietened slightly but Reginald could see that Number Four kept staring to the side, as though he could see something that wasn't there to the naked eye. 

"Show me." He whispered. 

Number Four's fists glowed blue and an apparition appeared out of thin air, a ghost. 

"Very interesting." He awed. "Now, there is nothing to be afraid of Number Four, you have to be the master of your own fear." 

Number Four's lip trembled but he did not burst into tears when Reginald put him back into his crib. 

Number Five was tricky. 

Reginald had noticed that Number Five had a rather interesting mind. His mechanical and creative tendencies were impressive. Whilst the others took a while to figure out how to use the blocks that were scattered around the nursery, Number Five would set them up, sort them by colour and stack them with no help needed. He also mastered crawling before his siblings. 

One night, it always seemed to happen at night, Reginald heard a scream come from the nursery and the shouting of Number Five's nanny. 

"What's going on?" Reginald asking, gasping when he saw an empty crib where Number Five should have been. "Search the house." 

All of the children's nannies scampered around the house to try and find the missing baby but it was Reginald who had found him, sitting on his bed. The baby was sitting upright, staring at the stars outside of the window. 

"Number Five..." Reginald shook his head. How did he manage to get out of his crib and end up here? 

Reginald went up to his bed to pick up his son but Number Five was mischievous and disappeared into the air, blinking out of sight.   
"What?" Reginald raised his eyebrows, the sound returned along with the sound of Number Five giggling. He was sitting on the floor beside Reginald's feet. 

"Oh, you're quite a spectacle, Number Five." 

"He he." Number Five giggled softly, lifting his arms up for Reginald to lift him up. 

"Let's go back to bed, Number Five." 

Then there was Number Six. 

He was the quietest of his siblings and seemed to latch onto Number Four quite a lot of the time but other than that he liked to play by himself. Then Reginald realized that Number Six wasn't alone. 

One night, around midnight, Reginald went to check on the children, making sure that Number Five was actually in his crib. He was thankfully, he looked into each crib. Number One's crib had to be reinforced so it didn't keep breaking. Number Two was suckling on his rattle. Number Three was hugging a teddy bear. Number Four was wide awake, giggling to himself. Number Five was lying on his stomach, drooling on his pillow. Number Seven was sleeping soundly but Number Six... 

"What in the world?" 

Sprouting from Number Six's chest was four small tentacles. 

"How extraordinary..." 

The tentacles then vanished and Number Six's lip was trembling, he reached out for Reginald. 

"Very well, just not for long." 

He lifted Number Six out and cradled him for a moment, keeping him content but the small boy soon fell back asleep along with the rest of his siblings. 

Then, finally, Number Seven was often intrigued by the world around her, mostly staying by her sister but her sister was always following Number One therefore Number Five was her next best option. Reginald thought Number Five would be annoyed but he was pleasantly surprised when Number Five accepted Number Seven as an ally. 

One day, the children were playing in the garden and Number One accidentally gripped Number Six's arm too hard and snapped the bone. The scream that Number Six unleashed was awful but not as bad as the noise that came from Number Seven. Number Seven's skin turned pale and her eyes were a stark white. 

Reginald watched as Number Seven converted the sound into energy and sent a tidal wave across the garden, causing her siblings to fall over, Number Six sobbing and wailing. 

"Go and see to Number Six," He told one of the nannies as he went to retrieve an unconscious Number Seven from the gazebo. 

Number Five was staring in keen interest and had even blinked so he was standing beside Reginald, looking at him with a curious set of eyes. 

"She'll be fine, Number Five." Reginald said, not truly believing that to be the case. It seemed as though Number Seven was chaos wrapped in skin. He was worried just how powerful the little girl would become. 


	16. Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback with Grace and the toddlers of the academy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a brief mention of Five trying to hurt himself so please skip if this is unsettling.  
> Also, Grace is amazing. But we knew that already.

By the time they were 4 the children no longer had their personal nannies because they had been replaced with a robot named Grace. She was much better than the nannies in the children's opinion. 

Sometimes, Reginald had to leave the academy for meetings or things like that. The children never knew and they knew better than to ask. 

The children adored Grace and had begun to call her Mom or Mommy. It was rather sweet actually. It seemed that she was Number Two's favourite person anyway. 

One morning after breakfast, the children were playing in the garden when Grace was watching them from the bench outside. Number Two had crawled onto the bench and sat beside her, quite content with looking up at her with those big brown eyes. 

"Are you alright, dear?" 

"Can I have a hug, Mommy?" 

"Of course." Grace smiled and wrapped her arms around the small boy. 

In the garden, Number One was playing with Number Three, Number Four and Number Six whilst Number Five was sitting under the gazebo. Number Seven was sitting on the bench beside Grace when she noticed Number Five sitting on his own. 

"Is Five okay?" She whispered to Grace. 

Grace looked over to see the raw concentration that was drawn on Number Five's face and she frowned, that boy never rested. 

"I'll go and check on him." Grace said, patting Number Seven's cheek and Number Two's hair. 

Grace walked over to him and Number Five had noticed her but was trying his best to concentrate. 

"Number Five." She called out softly. "Why don't you go and play with the others?" 

Number Five looked up and Grace gasped lightly under her breath when she saw the bruise on his face. She knelt down in front of him and took the book from him. Number Five always had a million thoughts rushing through that magnificent brain of his but sometimes he didn't know how to stop himself. 

"Oh, dear, what happened?" 

"My head hurts, Mom." Number Five whimpered. 

Grace sat herself down on the ground next to him and opened her arms, the little boy crawled over to her and put his arms around her, allowing himself to be held by her. 

"What happened?" 

"I wanted the pain to stop in my head..." Number Five's lip trembled. "I made it worse." 

"Does your father know?" 

Number Five shook his head and pleaded, "Please don't tell him." 

"I won't dear." Grace held him close to her chest, "Why don't we go and sort your face out? The others don't have to know." 

Number Five felt very tired all of a sudden and when he put his head against his mother's shoulder, he felt his eyes go heavy and the last thing he remembered of the day was being put into his bed and feeling his mother tuck him in and give him a kiss on his forehead. 

Grace may have not been a real person but she was a real mother... and always would be. 


	17. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dead Dove - Do not eat

"Wait... we're doing what now?" Five asked, trying not to be more confused than he already was. 

The family was standing around the living room, partly wondering why there was a small child sitting on the sofa and wondering what the hell Diego was on. 

"Okay, so you know that guy who I've been going on a few dates on with?" 

"The Spanish one?" Klaus asked, "with the really good motorbike?" 

"Yes." 

"The good looking one?" Allison asked. 

"Yes." 

"Your boyfriend?" Luther asked. 

"Yes for the millionth time. I said yes the first time!" Diego gasped, realizing what he had said. "Okay, he's not my boyfriend... yet. Anyway, he's working tonight and as you know it's-"

"The best night of the year!" Klaus cheered, "YAS! Halloween bitches!" 

Allison hit Klaus on the back of the head when Sofia gasped from the sofa, Diego just stared. 100% done already. 

"Language." Luther sounded like an old man, Five thought ironically. 

"Yes, it's Halloween and I offered to take Sofia around trick-or-treating." 

"And?" Five shrugged. "No problem with that."

"No!" Diego clapped his hands, "I mean that- Do you guys wanna come?" 

The others turned to each other, muttering but coming to a conclusion. 

"Yes." 

"Nice." Diego clapped his hands, he went over to the sofa and crouched in front of Sofia, "We're going to take you around okay, did Daddy give you your costume?" 

"It's in my bag." Sofia giggled in excitement lifting up her Dora the Explorer bag. 

"Come on sweetie," Allison held out her hand, "I'll come and help you." 

"Thanks!" Sofia giggled. "It's a princess dress." 

"Ooh!" Allison awed, "Which one is your favourite?" 

"Moana!" 

Klaus smiled, "I love that movie." 

Allison and Sofia walked out of the living room and Diego turned to his brothers and sister. "Thanks guys." 

"So, Di, how's it going with Mr Sexy?" Klaus chuckled, leaning against the arm of the sofa, "Still going strong?" 

"Hmm well, considering we're taking Mateo's daughter trick or treating, we can safely assume they are." Five explained nonchantly. "Please tell me we don't have to dress up." 

"I was thinking about that actually." Vanya rubbed the back of her neck. 

"Funny you should mention that," Luther smirked, "Klaus." 

"Klaus reached from behind the sofa to pull out a couple of bags of clothes, "So, we went shopping because Diego already told me earlier and I bought us all cozzies!" 

"Oh God." Five groaned, "Please tell me they're at least _good_ costumes?" 

Klaus giggled like a kid in a candystore, "So, Diego is going as Batman, I'm going as Elsa from Frozen (blue dress obviously), Vanya is going as Velma from Scooby Doo, Luther is going as King Kong and you Five-0 are going as Kid Loki, Allison said she wanted to sort her own out soooo." 

"Kid Loki?" Five tilted his head, "Meh, could be worse." 

"Why am I Velma?" 

"Have you seen how short you are?" Klaus eyed her causing her to glare at him. 

"King Kong?" Luther groaned, "Great. Just great."

"Hey, when you think about it," Klaus waved his hand, "I just made your job easier."

"Batman?" 

"Yep." Klaus winked. "Batsy. You got the personality, just needed the get up." 

"You singing Let it Go?" Vanya snickered. 

"I may do." Klaus shrugged his shoulders. 

So it turned out that Allison wanted to go as a Disney princess too, Tiana from Princess and the Frog to be precise and Sofia loved her so much.   
"You're so pretty!" Sofia gasped, jumping up and down. 

"Awww," Allison cooed, "You're beautiful, Sofia, you're a little princess." 

"Eek!" 

They walked around the neighborhood with Diego holding Sofia's hand dressed as Batman. It was quite a sight. 

"I cannot believe you're making me do this." Five hissed between his teeth. 

"Get over yourself Fivey," Klaus linked his arm around Five's, "you look badass and I look shamazing." 

"How do you pull off dresses so well?" Five asked smirking under the mask. 

"Well, secrets of the trade, bro." 

"I want to know when Diego got good with little kids," Vanya whispered to them. The three of them could see Diego lift up Sofia and hold her on his hip when she complained of her feet getting sore. Allison was walking beside him, looking to the others behind her, barely containing her excitement. 

"He is surprisingly good with her." Luther noted from the back of the group. "I mean he is quite gentle underneath it all."

"Like you," Vanya pointed at him, "you're probably the most sensitive of the bunch." 

"I do have to say Luther that your most relatable moment was eating all the chocolate in the house when your favourite character in that movie died."   
"He didn't need to go out like that!" Luther whimpered. "No need!" 

"It's like the Titanic." Klaus swung his pumpkin basket around his wrist, "Like there was enough room on that door for the pair of them." 


	18. The Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Academy gets a cold... and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a request from @Happy  
> Hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Feel free to comment suggestions and prompts down below!

Everyone gets sick. 

It's a natural thing but none of them were expecting to get a cold any time soon. 

Diego was the first to get it, catching it from Mateo and Sofia. They had already quarantined in their home but it was too late. Diego had begun to feel the effects... but not without giving it to the others first. 

"Really, Diego?" Klaus moaned, coughing from the sofa. He had wrapped himself into a blanket burrito, wearing his panda onesie. "I hate you." 

Diego felt awful, he was lying on the floor next to the sofa, moaning when Klaus kicked him. "Hey! It's not my fault."

"It is." Vanya said in a groggy voice. 

"Thank you Vanny." Klaus closed his eyes. 

"Can you guys moan a little quieter?" Five asked. "People are trying to sleep in Australia." 

Luther groaned, "Eugh, my head is killing me. Do we have any painkillers?" 

"No," Allison whimpered, "Klaus had the last one." 

"Klaus....!" Luther threw a pillow at his head. 

"Hey!" Klaus shouted, instantly regretting it from the pain in his head, "If you want to blame someone, blame Diego." 

"Oi." Diego said quietly, "Blame my man." 

"Oh I will." Klaus pointed at the ceiling, "Trust me."

Time became an illusion and soon, they wondering how much time had actually passed because no one moved, even Mr Pennycrumb was sitting soundly in his bed by the mantelpiece, not bothering anyone. 

"I don't think I can eat anything." Vanya held her head. 

"Me neither." Allison groaned. "Anyone else?" 

"No." The brothers moaned in unison. 

"I hate colds." Five punched the pillow weakly, "They're just a pain in the ass." 

"Yeah, we're really enjoying them too." Diego said. 

"Nuh-huh." Five wagged his finger, "You don't get a say." 

"Fine. I'll stay quiet then."   
"Good." Klaus attempted to glare at him." 

Then the siblings became somewhat delirious. 

"Hey guys, did you know that jellyfish poo and eat out of the same hole?" Klaus questioned. "Oh oh! Wombats shit cubes! And and sloths tend to fall out of trees because they think their arms are branches and by the time they realize, they kinda fall to their deaths." 

"Where the hell do you get your information from?" Five didn't bother moving his head, just coughed into his elbow. 

"Tumblr." 

"You have a tumblr too!?" Allison shouted excitedly. "That's how I found out about potatoes." 

"Huh?" 

"I mean all the varieties of them." "

"God," Luther's eyes widened, "Imagine how much mash potato it would take to fill the world up?" 

"Big man's asking the real questions." Diego snapped his fingers. "The real question though... how do we know that dogs are colour blind? Like how do we know?" 

"I think the even more important question is," Klaus competed, "why did I have to live this existence... what if I wanted to be a duck?" 

"Maybe we are ducks." Five said, staring up at the ceiling, "Maybe that's why we have powers."

"Huh?" 

"I saw a duck that looked at me a little too funny the other day." Five explained. 

"A duck, what did it do? Not eat your bread?" 

"Yes." Five said, turning to the side to stare at Allison, "Very suspicious." 


	19. Our Lord and Savior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I saw this video of a guy down by the subway reading the Very Hungry Caterpillar as though it was the bible and honestly it just gave me Klaus vibes, so here ya go

"Wait, Diego!" Five chased after him when they reached the tunnel to the subway, "What the hell are we doing?" 

Diego sighed and stopped walking to turn to Five, "Okay, so, someone rang me to let me know that our idiot of a brother is being well, an idiot, so we're going to fetch him." 

"Sounds easy enough." Five cracked his knuckles. 

They soon found Klaus just not in the way that they were expecting. 

Klaus was standing on a soapbox in the middle of the platform with one handing hold The Very Hungry Caterpillar and using his other hand to wave, he looked like a preacher. 

"What the hell?" Five muttered. "Just when I thought he couldn't be weirder." 

"What do we do?" Diego asked. 

Five shrugged. 

Klaus preached, "On the Friday, he ate through five oranges, but he was still hungry!" 

"Do we intervene or-"

"Yep." 

"Klaus!" Diego yelled to Klaus. 

Klaus waved his hand, "Well hello, fellow people, would you care to take a moment to talk about our lord and saviour, The Very Hungry Caterpillar?" 

"What are you doing, you imbecile?" Five hissed. 

"Spreading the word of love and joy and _oranges"_ Klaus showed him the pages on the book, "You know what they say, 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'." 

Before Diego or Five could say anything else, Klaus proceeded to say the next line, "and on the sixth day he ate: one piece of cake, one ice cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon... but he was still hungry!" 

"Oh God." Five put a hand to his face. 

"On Saturday he ate through all this food and that night he had a stomach ache!" 

"Grab him, for the love that is all good and pure." Five gritted his teeth at Diego. 

"On it." 

"Wait!" Klaus yelped, clutching the book in his hand as Diego lifted him and put him over his back. "I have more!" 

"Nope." Diego silenced him, "You're done spreading your word, Klaus." 

"My cult would've loved this book!" Klaus cried. "I'm tell you now, if this was in my hand back in Dallas, my cult would have never gone." 


	20. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in England we don't celebrate Thanksgiving so apologies if some things are incorrect

"And that was how I found out that lobsters pee out of their faces," Klaus finished, bowing as he did so.

"I do wonder what goes on inside your head sometimes, Klaus." Five said, stroking Mr Pennycrumb behind the ears. "So, how long is food gonna be, Allison?" 

"Well, considering Luther burnt the vegetables... a little while yet." 

Five groaned and put his head on the table. 

"Do you want a cookie, Fivey?" Klaus said, picking up the cookie tin. 

"Yes." Five picked one out of the open tin. 

"Isn't this like our first Thanksgiving?" Vanya asked, "Dad never let us do it." 

"Dad was a killjoy." Diego said from the doorway, "But he's not here anymore soooooo... food." 

"yep!" Allison chuckled as she finished up the mash potato.

"I didn't mean to burn the veg-"

"You're just a crap cook." Diego finished. "We know." 

Luther wasn't the best cook, it wasn't like he had to on the moon. Diego knew enough to feed himself whereas Allison had to cook for her family, she remembered when she would for Claire. 

In the dining room, they were sitting in their usual seats, even leaving a space for Ben even though he was no longer here. It helped put Klaus at ease to be honest. 

Allison served up the food, placing equal portions on the plates. 

"Finally." Five sighed. 

"Hungry, Five?" Vanya asked, smiling as she did so. 

"Yeah." 

There wasn't much food in the apocalypse and most food that he found was out of date, long expired, or bugs. Yep, bugs made up most of his meals. Disgusting. 

Everyone noticed that Five never had much of an appetite but it was Diego who noticed that he was underweight, all skin and bones. Five had never been particularly big for his age but he had the body of a growing boy, he needed the nutrients, vitamins etc. 

"Gravy?" Klaus offered around. 

"This is nice." Luther sighed, it had been so long since they were all sitting at the table, minus Ben of course. It was sad but when he really thought about it, Ben was never gone. He was in all of their hearts. Just because they didn't see him didn't mean he wasn't there. 

"Ahhh!" Klaus sighed, slumping in his seat, "Budapest enjoyed that." 

"Budapest?" Allison raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, I named my stomach Budapest." 

"And, hoping I'm not going to regret asking," Luther said, "why have you named your stomach Budapest?" 

"Because it's the capital of HUNGRY." Klaus snorted. 

"That was terrible!" Vanya cackled. 

Diego looked across from Klaus, glaring at the awful pun. "I thought your pun game had improved." 

"Sorry for the mis-pun-derstanding." Klaus giggled to himself, "Sorry, I'll stop now." 

"Hey guys," Allison whispered, "I think Five's asleep." 

Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus and Vanya turned their heads to Five's sleep and made cooing faces at him. 

"You know, he's quite cute when he's asleep." Klaus leant his head on his elbow against the table. 

"Well, he's not murdering anyone." Diego pointed out. 

"Let's go and put him to bed," Vanya suggested, "Luther?" 

"I'll carry him up." Luther said, already walking over to Five's seat putting his brother into a bridal style hold, "He's quite light." 

"Obviously, Muscle-Man." Diego put in his input. "Everything's light to you." 

"You know what I meant," Luther scoffed. 

The rest of the siblings followed Luther up the stairs as he carried Five to his bedroom, never understanding why Five's room wasn't on the same level as everyone else's. 

"I'll get him into his pajamas." Allison said, taking out the blue pajamas out of his drawers. 

Luther put him on the bed, Vanya helped to take of Five's blazer and tie whilst Klaus took off his shoes and socks. 

"I'm surprised he hasn't woke up yet," Diego whispered. 

"He must have been tired." Vanya said softly back, putting the blazer into the washing hamper along with his vest and shirt. Klaus put the socks and shorts in, leaving Five in just his underwear. 

"Here we go," Allison put on Five's nightshirt whilst Vanya put on the bottoms. 

Five yawned sweetly as he rolled onto his stomach, the same way he always slept. 

"Aww." Klaus whispered, picking up the duvet, "he looks peaceful." 

"Food coma?" Diego shrugged his shoulders. 

"A fine compliment to ze chef." Klaus clicked his fingers to Allison. 

"So does that mean I'm the family chef now?" 

"Yep." Luther, Diego, Klaus and Vanya chuckled to each other. 

"Come on guys, let's go," Allison giggled, leading the others out of Five's room, making sure Mr Pennycrumb was by Five's side. "We can play a board game downstairs." 

"I think you mean a 'boring' game." Klaus joked. 

"It's already called a board game, you don't make it cleverer by-" Diego sighed. "Nevermind." 


	21. The Light-Up Sketchers

"Right, so, basically," Klaus kept stammering to the others as he paced the living room, "I may have bought something for Five on pure impulse and I don't know what to do." 

"What could you have bought for Five that is so bad?" Luther asked, folding his arms as he leant against the sofa his sisters were sitting on. 

Allison had been platting Vanya's hair when Klaus had burst in with a bag from Foot Locker. Diego was playing darts with his knives, listening to the conversation but not looking in their direction. 

"I bought these bad boys." Klaus said pulling out a pair of light-up sketchers. 

"Oh dear Lord." Vanya gasped sharply. "What possessed you to buy them... for Five?" 

"I'm not going to lie..." Klaus gulped. "I may have had a few too many drinkies earlier." 

"Klaus..." Diego turned around with a disappointed look, "You were doing well." 

"I know. I am sorry." Klaus sniffled. "I didn't want to have a drink but... well, it's a sad day for me today." 

"You could have talked to me," Diego put a hand on his brother's shoulder, "or us. "

"It's Gucci, bro." Klaus patted his cheek, "anyway, back to the matter at hand." 

"Yeah," Allison brushed through Vanya's hair, "What made you think of buying the light-up kind?" 

"I did it for the memes." Klaus laughed. 

"Bork!" 

"oh oh." Vanya's head snapped to the stairs along with the others. 

"Mr Pennycrumb!" Klaus whistled the Golden Retriever to come to him and the dog came bounding over, wagging his tail excitedly. 

"So, what ya guys doing?" Five asked, blinking into the living room by the bar. 

"Erm, here ya go." Diego snatched the bag from Klaus and handed it to the oldest of the gang. 

Everyone held their breaths when Five took the pair of sketchers of the bag. Five took them and studied them for a moment. 

"Huh." Five smirked, he sat himself down and took of his usual shoes before putting the sketchers on. 

"Well, this is a surprise." Diego muttered to himself, watching his brother curiously. 

Putting them on, Five stood to his feet and laughed to himself when he saw the shoes flashing on and off.

"Told ya that he would like them!" Klaus applauded himself, "Once again, I am the master." 

"I suppose I won't lose them." Five tilted his head to the side, "Quite adequate." 

"'Quite adequate?" Allison repeated. 

"I think that's Five speak for 'I love them'." Vanya explained, laughing breathlessly. 

"Yes. Indeed." 


	22. Introducing Your Significant Other To Your Family 101

"No, Diego. I want to meet them." Mateo urged Diego to open the door to the academy, "They met my daughter before they met me so-"

"But, just warning you, they're not normal." 

"Normal is a matter of perspective." Mateo kissed Diego's cheek. "I love you and I'm certain I'll love them, Sofia does." 

"Okay," Diego's cheeks had turned red, "If you're sure." 

Earlier that day... 

"Okay, so we can't use our powers?" Five asked, he shrugged, "Sounds simple enough." 

"You know that means you have to act like an actual child, right?" Vanya ensured he understood. 

"That can't be too hard," Five scoffed, "where are my sketchers?" 

"I'll wear a coat and my gloves." 

"You don't have to do that," Diego said softly, knowing that Luther wasn't particularly happy with himself, even now. 

"Won't it freak him out?" 

"We'll just say that your hormones were off the scale and that's why you're hairy, and that you're ripped because you go the gym 24/7." Diego shrugged, he knew that Mateo wouldn't ask personal questions like that though. Mateo just wasn't that kind of guy.

"What if there's a really hot ghost nearby?" Klaus asked, sitting upside down on the sofa. 

"Just refrain yourself." Allison suggested, she did have it easier than the rest of her siblings. 

"I don't have to worry about you, Van." 

"Because?" 

"You're actually good with people." Diego smiled warmly making Vanya smile proudly at herself. 

"Mateo," Diego walked into the living room where his family were waiting, "these are my brothers and sisters." 

"Hello, everyone, Diego's told me a lot about you." Mateo waved to them, the others waved back. 

"I'm Luther," Luther held his hand out. 

"Allison," Allison said next. 

"I'm Vanya," Vanya said, standing up to shake his hand. 

Klaus curtseyed, "I'm the attractive one of the bunch," he patted Five's back, "And this is Gerard, be careful, he bites." 

Five shook his head, "Nice to meet you, I'm Five."

"Five?" Mateo repeated, "That's an interesting name." 

"Thanks." 

"Come and have a seat, Mat, I'll get drinks." Diego patted the sofa that Vanya had been sitting on. 

"So, Mateo," Allison asked, "what is it that you do?" 

"I'm a tattoo artist," Mateo sighed, "yeah, I always liked drawing when I was younger so I thought I'd put it into practice." 

"That's cool," Klaus awed, "would you tattoo me?" 

"Of course." Mateo then complimented Klaus on the few tattoos that he had. "If any of you want some, come by whenever." 

"Nice." Klaus nodded to himself. 

Diego had sat himself down beside Mateo and the group talked for a while, finding out some interesting facts and tidbits from Mateo, finding out that Sofia's mother had passed when she was 1, that Mateo had three sisters but they were back in Spain, and that he was going to become a doctor before life took him down a different path. 

"I had a really nice day," Mateo said when Diego dropped him off. 

They sat in the car for a moment. 

"Listen, there's some things that I haven't told you, that I probably should but I'm scared to." 

Mateo turned to his side and cupped Diego's cheek, "Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I don't want you to run off," Diego laughed under his cheek. 

"Go on," Mateo whispered. 

"So, me and my siblings, we have powers, we were adopted a... well he was a prick." Diego began to explain, "We time travelled to the 60s when my sister ended the world, I was in an asylum after stalking Lee Harvey Oswald and we stopped the end of the world again and we ended up here. Back home." 

Mateo blinked for a moment, he was going to laugh when he realized that Diego wasn't joking. 

"What kind of powers?" 

"Well, Luther has super strength, Allison can make people do what she wants, Klaus can commune with the dead, Five can manipulate time and space, Vanya can convert sound waves into energy, and Ben - he died - he had these space tentacles." 

"What about you?" 

"I have trajectory manipulation." 

"That's pretty cool." Mateo gasped. "Like projectiles and shit?" 

"And shit, yeah." 

"Why did you think you couldn't tell me this?" 

"I didn't want you to think that I was mad or something." Diego confessed, trying not to carry. 

"Hey, you're not mad," Mateo kissed his cheek, "You're a special guy, my special guy. I'm just glad that you trust me enough to tell me." 

"Of course." Diego brushed his lips against Mateo's, cupping the back of his neck. 

"Do you wanna stay mine tonight?" 

"Never thought you'd ask." 


	23. Beach, Beach, Let's Get Away

To no one's surprise, the Umbrella Academy never went on holiday as kids - unless you count going to exotic places for missions a holiday. 

Allison had found a secluded beach one day when she was with Claire and had decided to surprise her siblings by arranging them to drive there for the day. 

"Oooh!" Klaus clapped his hands, "I get to wear my new bikini." 

Diego and Luther nodded to each other, Diego budged Vanya, "You in, Van?" 

"Yeah, why not?" 

"Five?" Allison turned to their oldest sibling, noticing how he was glaring at them all, drinking a smoothie. 

"No." 

"Why not?" Klaus asked, hugging him from behind. 

"I don't like sand." Five said simply. 

"Okay, Anakin Skywalker," Diego nodded, "we'll carry you and put you on a towel." 

"Fine." Five sighed, "Make sure Mr Pennycrumb wears a floaty." 

"He doesn't know how to swim?" Vanya asked. 

Five shook his head, "I don't like swimming. Had a bad memory of water." 

It was during his time at the Commission, he almost drowned during orientation - an orientation exercise that no one except him had to do. 

"That's okay, Five, you can stay with me on the beach," Allison said, packing some sandwiches into a bag, "there's no way I'm getting my hair wet." 

"Then it's settled then." 

"I'll drive." Five put his hand up, "You guys are terrible at driving." 

Apart from almost being pulled over because Five was driving, a teenager in everyone else's eyes, the drive to the beach was quite a pleasant one. Klaus rode in the front with Five, he had put himself in charge of music which wasn't too bad actually. The Backstreet Boys were always a good shout. 

"Now Number Five!"

Reluctantly, "I don't want to hear you say-"

"I want it that way!" They finished in unison. 

"What a tune!" Klaus screeched, "Ben had good taste." 

"Yep," Diego sighed, "it's weird that we're doing something like this." 

"Dad would be rolling in his grave if he knew we were here." Vanya smirked, "But he's not so, screw him!"

"Whoa, Van." Diego gasped, "Language." 

Luther laughed, "Let's forget about him for a day, we're going to have fun." 

"Bork!" Mr Pennycrumb had set himself on Allison's knees, sticking his head out of the window. 

"You like that, boy?" Allison stroked the fur behind his ears. 

Mr Pennycrumb yapped in response. 

It was a nice, sunny day, no clouds were in sight and Five pulled up just by the edge of the beach. Allison let Mr Pennycrumb out, holding his lead. Diego and Luther picked up the bags from the back of the car and Vanya took the ones from Luther so that Luther could pick up Five. Five was adamant about not touching the sand. He was riding him, piggyback style down through the sand. 

Allison was wearing a purple, strapless swimming costume, Vanya was wearing the same one but in black. Allison wore her hair in a large bun on top of her head whilst Vanya's blew threw the breeze as she wore a large floppy hat. Diego was wearing shorts and flipflops and Klaus wasn't lying when he said he would wear a bikini. It was pink, yellow and blue. The shades that he was wearing were bold and black, they suited him nicely. Allison had made Five wear shorts and a t-shirt and he wanted to wear his sketchers. Luther waited until they reached the spot to take off his shirt, finally feeling okay in his own skin. Not that his siblings would judge him anyway. 

Five sat on the towel with Allison, eating watermelon as Mr Pennycrumb chased Luther and Diego into the sea. Vanya was sitting with them until Klaus dragged her away, wanting to swim in the ocean with her. 

"What are those, Klaus?" Vanya had asked her. 

"Oh, these bad boys." Klaus showed off his unicorn armbands, "Pretty snazzy, eh?" 

"Hell yeah!" 

Diego sunk his feet into the sand under the sea and sighed at the sensation, "Oh I love the beach!" 

"Yeah, me too." Luther sighed, it was so much calmer than the moon was, he didn't have his siblings there. 

"OW!" 

Diego and Luther turned to see Vanya jumping up and down, holding her foot. 

"Jellyfish!" Klaus screeched, running to the shore, linking arms with Vanya. 

"What happened?" Allison asked, helping Vanya to the towel.

"See, I told you!" Five snapped his fingers. 

"What cures a jellyfish bite?" 

"Erm-" Five was about to say when Klaus interrupted him. 

"You need to pee on it!" 

"Ew!" Vanya squealed, "No!" 

"I feel bad peeing on her." Diego shuddered, along with Luther. 

"Fine, I'll do it!" 

"No! KLAUS!" 

And the rest, they say, is history. 


	24. Tea Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my dear friend, meg, helped me to come up with this idea so if y'all could check her out on tumblr as @thefunkyneighbourhoodlesbian that'd be swell af

Allison had a daughter. Everyone knew that but they hadn't spent any time with her. Claire was finally allowed visitatation and Allison was over the moon. 

She told her brothers and sister and could not wait for them to meet her. Allison held Claire in her arms so tightly that it was a wonder that Claire didn't snap in two. Allison, Vanya and the brothers were in the kitchen making a feast whilst Claire sat in the living room and Five. 

Five had read about Claire in Vanya's book during the apocalypse and he wasn't afraid to admit that he had no idea what he was supposed to do with children. 

"More tea, Uncle Five?" Claire pretended to pour tea into her plastic tea set. 

She had put a blanket on the floor and set out her teacups and saucers, even giving Mr Pennycrumb one.

Five was sitting opposite her, cross-legged in the academy uniform that he still was adamant about wearing. 

"Absolutely." 

Claire giggled as they clinked the teacups together. 

"Would you like a scone?" Claire offered a fake scone - it was just imaginary. 

Five smiled, "Thank you." 

They sat like that for a moment, just playing pretend. 

"Uncle Five, how come you weren't in any of Mommy's stories? Like Auntie Vanya?" 

Five put the saucer down and explained in the best way he could to a 4 year old. "Well, I wasn't really around. I was exploring and... well, I couldn't find my way home."   
"You were lost?" 

"Yeah." Five nodded. 

"Were you scared?" 

"Sometimes." Five confessed, "But whenever I did, I thought about you Mommy and your aunt and uncles." 

"Do you think I'd get lost?" 

"Not at all because I would make sure that you were safer, just like your mommy, and everyone else." 

Claire's eyes twinkled and she put down her saucer and sat beside Five, looking up at him. Five really didn't have a clue what he was supposed to do but he put his arm around her, sighing in content. 

"Time for dinner!" Allison's voice could be heard from the kitchen. 

"Let's go." Five said, holding out his hand for Claire to grab. 

When it was the evening, it was time for Claire to go back home and the atmosphere became rather sad and gloomy as though Claire was the light. Claire hugged each person. 

"Goodbye, Uncle Luther." Claire had to reach up high. 

Diego crouched down and hugged her little form. 

Goodbye, Uncle Diego." 

Klaus was trying not to cry, "See you later, alligator!" 

Claire giggled, "You're silly, Uncle Klaus." 

"Goodbye, Auntie Vanya." Claire said, hugging her aunt around her neck. 

Then finally, Claire came to Five and Five went in to hug her first, she made him feel calmer than he had done in a while. 

"We'll see you again soon." Five promised. 

"I love you, Uncle Five." Claire whispered sweetly into his ear, she kissed him on the cheek. 

Allison picked up Claire and put her on her hip, "We'll see you guys later." 

"Bye!" Claire shouted before Allison took her away. 

"Are you crying?" Klaus nudged Five in the side. 

"No." Five said unconvincingly, "There's dust around, you guys never clean up." 


	25. This is My Jam

Every other Friday night seemed to be the night for karaoke by some odd scheduling on Klaus' behalf. Who else was it going to be? So, everyone was sitting around the living room with pizza boxes around, listening to the sound of Lady Gaga. 

"Hey, hey, Mambo!" Klaus giggled to himself as he laid across the bar. 

There was no answer of course. 

"Mambo!" Klaus shouted in a sing-song manner. 

"Who?" Luther rolled his eyes. 

"Mambo." 

"Who the hell is Mambo?" Diego tilted his head to the side, he had been lying on across the coffee table. 

"Mambo No. 5." Klaus burst into hysterics, rolling on the bar, holding his stomach as he laughed. 

"Oh, right." Vanya shook her head when she realized what Klaus was on about. 

"I'll put it on." Allison sighed as she turned on the CD player, the beat of the song kicking in. 

Five blinked into the room, staring at the sight of his siblings who were strewn across the living room, practically comatose from the consumption of cheap takeout. 

"What on Earth has been going on with you dipshits?" 

"You wouldn't get it, Mambo." Klaus tried not to start laughing again. 

"Yeah, I do." Five scoffed, "The song is Mambo No. 5 and I'm Number Five. Really original, Klaus." 

"Oh." Klaus said in disappointment. 

"This is such a good song," Vanya sighed, burying her head into the sofa cushion. 

"This is my jam." Klaus cackled. 

"Yep," Allison sighed, "'Tis a bop." 

"No." Klaus chuckled. "I meant, this is my _jam."_

The siblings turned their heads to the bar on the furthest end of the room where Klaus had pulled out a jar of strawberry jam. 

"Boo!" Diego threw a cushion in Klaus' direction. 

"Hey, hey!" Klaus pointed at them, "This is a tough room, you guys know that was funny." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh... that one was really short. 
> 
> Always feel free to put down some suggestions below!


	26. Updog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego and Klaus have a bet

"Hey, hey, Di." Klaus whispered over to him as they sat in the kitchen one morning. He clicked his fingers, "Do you wanna have a bet?" 

Diego put down his knife on the table and folded his hands on top of the wooden surface, "What kind of bet?" 

"The good kind," Klaus smirked, "You get my love and admiration." 

"Eugh, no," Diego shook his head, "you already love me, bro." 

"True, bro." Klaus sighed, "Fine, money." 

"What are the stakes?" 

"Okay," Klaus resisted the urge to let his excitement bubble over, "I bet you I can get Five to say 'updog'." 

"Hmm." Diego hummed, "Is that it?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay," Diego folded his arms, "Sounds easy enough, I'll give you a dollar if he says it."

"Make it 20." 

"10." 

Klaus sighed, "Fine. $10." 

Diego had an inkling that Klaus would try every method to get Five to say 'updog' whatever the hell that was. He shadowed Klaus all day, watching him from behind doors and walls. 

"Hey, hey, Fivey!" Diego could hear Klaus say multiple times a day. 

Multiple times, Five could be hear blinking away with Mr Pennycrumb following him in pursuit even though he had to guess where his master had gone to. 

You see, Diego may have warned Five that Klaus would be attempting to bother him throughout the day so you could say that Five was in on the bet too even though he wouldn't be winning anything. 

It was almost the evening when Klaus finally got a hold of Five. 

"Hey, Five-O." Klaus panted as he grabbed a hold of Five's sleeve. 

"What do you want, Klaus?" 

"I have come up with an amazing way to stop the apocalypse if it ever comes back." 

Deciding to play along, Five asked, "Well, what would that be." 

"Updog." Klaus clicked his fingers, "That's how we would stop the end of the world."

"What's updog?" 

"Nothing, bro, what's up with you?!" Klaus dropped to his knees as he cheered and roared with laughter, "HA!"

Five sighed, "ha ha, very funny." 

"It is actually." Klaus let out a deep sigh, "DIEGO! YOU OWE ME $10!" 


	27. It's Rewind Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Five rewound time but was still hurt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a suggestion by @larissa_fanfics  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> (spoilers for season 2)

Think small. 

Seconds. 

Not decades. 

Pouring every amount of effort that Five had left, he felt the power surge throughout him with that beautiful blue glow surrounding him. Time rewound around him, blood disappeared and his siblings were alive again. Blinking back, he found himself by the barn door and grabbed the Handler, snatching the gun from her grasp.   
"Is it true? What Five said?" Lila demanded. "Answer me!" 

"Well-" The Handler was cut off by the sound of bullets being fired in her direction, blood spewing out of her mouth, her body landing on the ground with a thud. 

Five aimed the gun at the lone Swede.

Sighing, he said, "Enough." 

No more blood would be shed on that day by his hand. 

Neither from the Swede as it turned out, "Enough," he said in his own tongue. 

Five dropped the gun and watched the Swede leave back through the way he came. 

"Who the hell was that guy?" Klaus was so confused. 

Lila wasted no time and darted for the case. 

"No, the case!" Luther attempted to run after her but Diego pushed him to the ground, landing below him. 

Lila disappeared without a trace. 

"Why the hell did you stop me? I almost had her."

"Because," Diego smirked up at him, "I love her."

Beads of sweat collected on Five's forehead, he pressed a hand to his stomach.   
"Shit." He said almost silently. The bullet wound hadn't gone. 

"Is it over?" Allison said breathlessly, "Huh." 

"Harlan." Vanya gasped, running down the steps of the barn where the energy was still surging around Harlan. Sissy couldn't get close enough but Vanya could. Her siblings gathered around and watched as Vanya used her power to take away his. 

Then, it was truly over. 

Faintly, Five could hear his siblings converse with each other but his mind had wandered, closing his eyes for a moment he found himself in the apocalypse again. Alone. Ash blowing around. 

He opened his eyes again, trying his best to ignore the pain, hiding the blood with his arm. 

"Come on, Diego, we'll go and check on the drones outside." Five nudged him. "You guys stay here." 

"Aye, aye." Klaus saluted, putting his arms around his sisters' shoulders. 

"You okay?" Diego asked Five as they walked out of the barn. 

"Yeah, fine." Five brushed him aside with a smile. He could pretend that the pain was getting better. 

The field agents of the Temps Commission were still laid strewn across the field. Dead or just passed out? Even Five couldn't tell. There was a flash out light and Herb and Dot came into view. 

"Hey, Herbie." Diego did his secret handshake with the small man. 

"Herb. Dot." Five nodded his head. 

"Is she really-"

"Dead this time?" Five smirked. "Yeah. She won't be coming back again." 

"Oh thank goodness." Dot sighed in relief. 

"We could do with a favour though." Five said. 

"Of course," replied Herb, "anything." 

"We need a briefcase, so we can get home." 

"Take your pick," Herb gestured to the dozens of stray briefcases that were littered among the snowy grass. 

Diego and Five chose one and Diego noticed that Five was swaying on his feet. 

"Hey, Five?" 

"Huh?" Five shook his head, he felt dizzy. He looked down and saw that the blood had pooled through his vest, "Shit..."

"Five!" Diego said, managing to catch him. "Not again." Images of the last time Five fainted from an injury came to mind, the shrapnel wound. 

He picked up Five, hooking his arms underneath his brother's legs, He felt so small in his arms. "Come on, buddy." 

"What the hell?" Sissy exclaimed when Diego barged into the living room of her house with an unconscious Five in his arms. 

"Do you have medical supplies?" 

"Yeah," Sissy scampered to the kitchen to grab her first aid kit of the cupboard. 

"Five?" Vanya helped Diego to put him on the sofa. "What happened to him?" 

"He got shot." Diego said simply. 

"When?" Klaus asked. "I didn't see a gun go off, well, apart from that guy." 

"Shit." Allison gasped when she saw the blood on her brother's stomach. "Let me help." 

Five groaned in pain at the pressure, waking himself up. "Wha-"

"Stay still." Luther said, gesturing. 

"What the hell happened, Five?" 

"I-" Five coughed, blood stained his lips, "I saved you guys... didn't I?" 

Allison pulled off his blazer and vest, then opened his shirt. 

"The bullet's still in there." Diego swore under his breath, "We're going to have to get it out."  
"I'll knock him out." Allison said, ready to rumor him. 

"Wait," Five pushed himself back, "I rewound time... I did it." 

"Okay, Five." Luther shushed him. "You can tell us after we've saved _your_ life for once." 

Allison didn't wait, "I heard a rumor that you went to sleep." 

Five's eyes blinked for a moment before growing heavy and he fell asleep again. 

"Is he going to be okay?" Sissy asked Vanya. 

"Yeah," Vanya blinked away the tears, "He's been through worse than this." 

"Doesn't make it easier to watch though," Klaus said quietly, mostly to himself, but the others still heard him. 

It hurt because it was true. 


	28. Heard it from the Grapevine

Luther, Allison and Vanya were out grocery shopping whilst Five was out, taking Mr Pennycrumb out for a walk, leaving Diego and Klaus alone at the academy. 

Diego was lying on the sofa, attempting to catch 40 winks. 'Attempt' was the operative word as Diego could hear Klaus rummaging around in the living room, doing God knows what. 

"Klaus." Diego snarled. "Do you mind?" 

Klaus popped his head up from behind the bar, "Sorry, Di Di." 

"You will be." Diego gritted his teeth.   
"Bad night's sleep?" 

"Yes." Diego said simply, not noticing that Klaus had sat himself on the other side of the sofa. 

"Do we need to talk?" Klaus leant his head against his hand against the arm of the sofa, "Want me to paint your nails?" 

"Huh?" 

"Allison does it with me all the time." 

"Do I look like the type of person who paints their nails?" 

"Yes." 

"..." Diego's mouth opened like a codfish. 

"Don't you remember when we were like 18 or something and you were trying to get me to leave that party and-"

"Is there a point to this story?" 

"Yes." Klaus shook his head in disappointment, "You had to drag me home and you lost your shoes or some bullshit. You had your toe nails painted." 

"How the hell do you remember that?" Diego shook his head. "That was like 10 years ago!" 

Klaus merely shrugged, "Come on! I'm bored." 

"Go and do something then!" Diego threw his hands into the air. 

"Yeah... already did that."

_"Blegh!" Klaus shouted behind Five, making him jump out of his skin._

_"Stop!" Five yelped. "I could have dropped my coffee!"_

"Is there no one else you can annoy?"

"Nope." Klaus popped his lips. "Just you, big guy." 

"If I let you..." Diego lifted his head up, "will you let me sleep?" 

"Yep." 

After retrieving his black nail vanish and slipping into a skirt, Allison's of course, Klaus sat on the poof and put Diego's foot on it. 

"You have really soft feet." 

"Talk about my feet," Diego hissed, "I chop yours off." 

"So tetchy." Klaus mumbled. "Is something going on with Mateo?" 

"Huh? No. Nothing." Diego shook his head. "Well, he wants me to move in with him." 

"oooh!" Klaus gasped. "Exciting!" 

Diego didn't shake his head or nod, he just looked down at the ground. 

"Is that a bad thing?" 

"Look at my past records of relationships, Klaus." Diego put a finger down, "Eudora: first serious one, dead. Lila: boggled mind, God knows where she is. Mateo:... Klaus, I really like this one but... Jesus. How the hell is it supposed to work?" 

"What do you mean?" Klaus looked up from finishing his toes. 

"I don't even know." Diego let out a sigh and put his head back against the sofa. "I love him, man, I love Sof too, it's just... What if he realizes that I've done some shitty stuff." 

"Di," Klaus put a hand on his brother's knee, "Everyone in this family has done shitty stuff, it doesn't mean that we don't deserve love." 

"Wow." Diego looked at him, "That was strangely poetic." 

"Yeah," Klaus smirked, "and I didn't even quote a song."

"Come again?" 

"In the cult," Klaus explained, "if they asked for guidance I may have used song lyrics." 

"Gloria Gaynor?" 

"Of course, bro." Klaus high-fived him. "You know me well." 

"I remember when we'd sit on the roof, with the Walkman, and listen to music."  
"That was fun." Klaus smirked. "Why don't we do that, anymore?" 

"No idea." Diego shook his head, "I guess it was because we grew up and moved on." 

"I hate being an adult with adult responsibilities." 

"I say that once a month we just go and sit on the roof, blast I Will Survive, and eat crap." 

"Amen." Klaus agreed. 

"Even number squad?" 

"Even number squad." Diego smiled. "It's not the same without Ben."

"Yeah." Klaus sighed. "It's weird. He's really gone now." 

"Yeah. Like when he really left, I suppose that was the first time you actually mourned him." 

"It's not the same though," Klaus teared up. "Like, I could talk to him but it took me such a long time to be able to hold him. Touch him." 

"I never asked..." Diego whispered. "What was that, Dave was it? What was he like?" 

"Oh." Klaus became a lot more serious, "Dave. Well, he was kind. You could tell he was an outsider. Like us. In Saigon, he told me about the things that were his favorite. His favorite book, huh, was Dune." 

"He sounds special." 

"He was." Klaus smiled. "He... he was one of a kind, the only one I really loved, you know, more than myself." 

"There we go," Klaus finished the nails, a solid black shade, "they look snazzy." 

"Thanks, man." 

"You're welcome." 

"No," Diego smiled to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, "thanks for listening, it means a lot." 

"Yeah, you too." 

"Hey, guys!" Allison shouted from the front door, "We got steaks tonight!" 


	29. Trespassing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short.  
> I apologize.   
> But it's quality over quantity innit

Luther, Diego and Klaus were trying to find a missing person but had ran into a bit of a problem.

"Shit," Luther gestured to the sign that said 'no trespassing'. 

"What do we do?" asked Diego. 

"I have an idea." Klaus said sneakily, rubbing his hands together, "Okay, so, I'll stay here and you two go inside, then it's only dos trespassing and not tres." 

"Klaus-" Luther attempted to say but was cut off by Diego. 

"That's brilliant." 

There was a flash of light and Five appeared in front of them with his arms crossed over his chest, "you simpletons. Go home."

"But Fiiiiiiiivey," Klaus sighed overdramitcally, "we wanted Chuck-E Cheese."


	30. Overpowered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during episode 7 when Vanya and Five have their confrontation. 
> 
> What if Vanya did something she never intended to?

"Vanya, do not _test_ me right now." 

"That's funny 'cause I was gonna say the same thing." 

Sure enough, Vanya was a powerful being however she lacked something that Five happened to possess. 

Experience. 

Vanya hadn't fought like he had. She hadn't seen the horrors that he had. Compared to Five, Vanya was like candy floss. Far too soft. Due to her inexperience, when she felt Five's power hum against her own... well, she hadn't expected this. 

Vanya's eyes and skin turned white and in her anger she didn't see the look in Five's eyes. He did not want to hurt her. As a child, Five was the only one who ever saw Vanya with an ounce of humanity. He would not cry but he couldn't help but feel his eyes moisten with tears. 

Vanya could only stare at him. The evilness inside her refused to listen to reason. She would not accept her hand in this. It was Five's fault that they were stuck here. It was Five's fault that she couldn't remember anything. 

It was all Five.

Everything became muffled. Vanya couldn't hear the words that came out of her brother's mouth clearly nor could she see the worry etching on his face. 

Five's face was beginning to turn grey, his eyes sunken, his lips ashen. A lone tear etched his cheek and he put his hands to his neck, trying to tear away the feeling of suffocation. 

All the memories of her past came back but they were distorted. They weren't true. Images of Five belittling her with the others and mocking her because she was ordinary and not special like the rest of them. 

With a scream, Vanya sent Five through the air, denting the car behind him. She was standing there breathless before everything turned back to normal. Only... Five wasn't standing in front of her with that blue glow around his fists, he was lying on the floor, bleeding on the back of his head. 

Vanya was frozen for a moment before she snapped back into reality, racing over to Five, she dropped to her knees beside him.

"No, no, no... I'm sorry... oh God." Vanya's shaking hands were placed on Five's shoulder, trying to wake him up. "Five... Five! Please wake up!"

Vanya was taken back to the night she slashed Allison's throat. Why did she keep hurting those who love her? Five was right. She blew shit up when she was angry. 

"Five! Please wake up... I didn't mean to...please..."

She rolled him onto his back, gasping at the blood that stained his cheek from the gash on his head. He looked so young, peaceful even. Vanya put her hands to her mouth, attempting to stifle her sobs was difficult. She didn't know what to do. 

All she could do was gather her brother into her arms and rock him, ensuring that his sleep was as gentle as it could be. 


	31. Untitled Goose Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus shows Five an awesome game where peace was never an option.

"As the geese in France say," Klaus proclaimed, "Honque" 

In the living room, Klaus was sitting in front of the TV that Allison had bought for the academy. Five, meanwhile, was leaning in the doorway with a mug of coffee in his hands.   
"What are you doing, Klaus?" He asked him, blowing on his drink. 

"Well," Klaus cracked his knuckles, "I'm playing on the BEST game ever. Untitled Goose Game." 

"The best?" 

"The BEST." Klaus emphasized. 

Five begrudgingly sat himself down on the sofa next to where Klaus was sitting on the floor, "Huh, this is... strange." 

On the screen, a white goose was holding a knife in his mouth, terrorizing people. 

"You want a go?" 

"Nah," Five shook his head, "I'm good." 

"Oh, come on, Five-0, it's a great game, you get to play as a GOOSE." 

"What's the aim of the game?" Five asked. 

"Well," Klaus began to explain, "you play as a goose, complete the objects and cause mayhem as you do so." 

"That's it?" 

"That's it." 

Five sighed, drinking his coffee he just sat there and watched his brother play on the video game, Mr Pennycrumb sitting next to him, wagging his tongue and tail. 

"HONK!" The goose honked on the game, picking up the harmonica. 

"Hey, watch this." Klaus giggled, "The goose is about to serenade these ladies." 

"Huh." Five smirked as he watched the excitement on his brother's face. 

"Do you think I should do that if Diego and Mat go on a date?" 

"You could," Five shrugged his shoulders, "if you don't mind having one of Diego's knives embedded in your shoulder?" 

"That's just an average Tuesday for me."

"It's Thursday." 

"..." Klaus turned around and winked, "That's just an average Thursday for me." 


	32. When Claire Met Sofia

It was a bright and sunny day with a dash of rain which produced a beautiful rainbow in the blue sky when Claire came to visit. She was playing with her tea set in the living room, Allison sitting on the sofa behind her with Vanya. They were just chatting with each other, Claire wasn't really paying attention. Her head, however, did shoot up when the front door opened. 

She could hear her uncle, Diego, talking quietly in the hallway. 

"You excited?" She heard him ask. 

Claire looked to the archway and saw Diego standing with a little Latina girl. 

"Hi, Sofia!" Allison waved at the girl cheerfully. 

"You okay?" Vanya asked. 

Sofia nodded. She was smiling but she was incredibly shy. Diego smiled, he was holding her hand with one hand and in the other he was carrying her Dora the Explorer backpack. 

"Sofe, this is my niece, Claire." 

"You gonna say hi, sweetie?" Allison asked. 

Claire clambered to her feet and waddled over, a bright and cheery smile on her face, "Hi!" 

Sofia kept her smiled but she was shaking slightly, Mateo told Diego that she was always like that whenever she met anyone new. 

"Hey, guys!" Klaus could be heard from the staircase, "Do we have any books on turtles?" 

"Hardback?" Came Luther's reply. 

"Yes, with the little heads?" 

Sofia giggled to herself, making Claire join in and taking her hand, "Do you wanna come and play with me?" 

Sofia nodded excitedly. 

"I'm having a tea party with my teddies!" 

"I have a teddy in my bag." Sofia said quietly. 

"Oooh!" Claire squeaked, "Bring it, we can have a big party!"

"Here's your bag, Sofe." Diego passed the bag over. 

Allison whistled at Diego for him to join her and Vanya on the sofa, Diego sat himself between them, smiling at Sofia and Claire as they sat on the blanket next to Claire's tea set. 

Claire offered a tea cup to Sofia which the latter took into her little, chubby hands. 

"What's his name?" Claire gestured to the bear that Sofia had set down next to her. 

"Mr Snugglebites." Sofia answered, "My mommy made him for me." 

"He's cute!" Claire giggled, "Does Mr Snugglebites want a cup too?" 

Sofia whispered into Mr Snugglebites' ear. "He would, please."

Claire pretended to pour some tea into the cup and handed it to the teddy bear, "And a scone?" 

"Yes please!" Sofia giggled. 

As they watched the children play, Allison carried on talking to Vanya. Diego, even though he wouldn't confess it straightaway, really loved this little girl and it wasn't because she was Mateo's daughter. Sofia reminded him of that part of himself that he used to hide, his innocent side. The side of him that his father hated.

He would never make Sofia feel the way his father made him feel. 


	33. Shady's Back

"What if it's a raccoon?" 

"Why the hell would a raccoon be in the house?" Allison whispered loudly at Klaus as they and the others sneaked down the stairs into the kitchen. It was late at night, quite possibly 3AM when they heard someone rattling in the fridge. 

"How did someone sneak in anyway?" Luther asked, standing behind his siblings. 

Diego put his arm protectively around Vanya, hiding her behind Klaus and Allison. Five meanwhile was sitting on the stairs, sighing. 

"You know, it's probably nothing." 

"If you're so smart, why don't you go and see who it is?" Allison hissed at him. 

"I don't like this." Vanya whispered. "What if it's someone from the Commission?" 

"It won't be." Five reassured. 

"I say," Diego pulled out straws from his pocket, "Person who gets the shortest has to see who it is." 

"I'm fine with that." Luther agreed. 

"Yep." Klaus picked one, followed by the others. "Oh dang." 

It seemed that Klaus had the shortest straw, "Well, best put on the big boy pants."

"It's been nice knowing you bro," Diego winked. 

Klaus gulped and began to tiptoed into the kitchen, he held his breath as he saw a hooded figure with their head in the fridge, rifling through different food packages.

"Good evening." Klaus bowed, clearing his throat, "you know if you're hungry, I know a good dumpster by the road-"

"Oh, Klaus...." a very familiar voice came from the figure, "I didn't think you knew about my dietary requirements."

"Holy shit titties! BEN?!" 

"Woah woah woah." Diego shook his head, his face drawn with complete and utter confusion. "Ben? How the hell di- Are you alive?"

In a familiar scene, the siblings sat and stood around the table, Five stood beside Vanya with Mr Pennycrumb by his feet. Luther and Diego were standing on the other side, Diego leant his arm against Klaus who was sitting on the table and Allison was by Luther. Ben, who was somehow very much alive, stood in front of then eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut. 

"Short story is that Jesus didn't turn the water into wine for me, there was not enough music inclined people and... I was bored."

"When you say Jesus," Klaus curled his hand around his chin, "do you mean Jesus Jesus or some random Latino?"

"I'm just gonna let you figure that one out for yourself." Ben smirked. 

"I'm gonna be honest," Five sighed, "I don't care for logic. I'm just glad to see you Ben."

Allison realized something. "Wait... you havent seen Ben since..."

"I missed you too, Five." Ben smiled at his siblings warmly, "I missed all of you."


	34. Stormy Night

Diego could remember when he was younger, during his early childhood, how Ben, Allison and Vanya would cry at the sound of thunder and lightning. Luther attempted to comfort them, Klaus would be sitting by Ben and trying to hug him to calm him down. Five, meanwhile, would just stare out of the wonder, completely fascinated at the display in the sky. Diego stayed in his bed, staring at his siblings until Mom came in. Sometimes Reginald would come into the room but it was never to offer comfort, it was to tell them that they were being noisy. 

It was a stormy night and Diego was lying in bed, Mateo's arm around him. He felt safe in his hold as the lightning crackled outside. Mateo had a warm smile on his face as he watched Diego move up and down in a steady beat. 

Then the power went off. 

Diego was startled awake at the sound of Sofia's shrill cry. 

"I'll go and check on her." Diego rolled out of bed, "You go and check on the fuse."

"Give her Mr Snugglebites," Mateo yawned, "that seems to calm her down." 

"On it." 

Mateo was quick with his hands and had managed to get the power back on quicker than the lightning had struck the ground outside, with a smile on his face, he closed the cupboard and wandered back to Sofia's bedroom. It was a quiet night, except for the sound of rain. Mateo creeped around the hallway and could hear the sound of singing, he hid behind the wall and could hear the sound of Diego's voice and Sofia's quiet sniffling. 

_Estrellita, ¿dónde estas?  
Quiero verte a ti brillar.  
Esta noche allí estarás.  
Cual diamante brillarás  
Estrellita, ¿dónde estas?  
Quiero verte a ti brillar._

Mateo leant against the doorway and his smile grew. Diego was sitting on Sofia's bed with her, rocking her gently to sooth her tears. 

_Es muy tarde. El sol se va.  
Ya la noche llegará.  
Ven aquí a iluminar.  
Brilla, brilla sin parar.  
Estrellita, ¿dónde estas?  
Quiero verte a ti brillar_

Sofia seemed to have calmed down, she even placed her little head against Diego's shoulder, yawning, her eyes going heavy. Diego placed her back on the bed, kissing her little head. 

"Sweet dreams, mija" 

Mateo, as he stood outside of his daughter's room, came to a rightful conclusion and new right then and there what he wanted. He didn't quite know when or where but what he did know was that he had a very important question to ask Diego's family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The translation for the lullabye is ... 
> 
> Little star, where are you?  
> I want to see you shine.  
> Tonight you will be there,  
> Like a diamond you will shine.  
> Little star, where are you?  
> I want to see you shine.
> 
> It’s very late. The sun is leaving.  
> Soon the night will arrive.  
> Come here to shine,  
> shine, shine without stopping.  
> Little star, where are you?  
> I want to see you shine.


	35. Asking the Family

Diego was taking Sofia to school when Mateo secretly went to the academy. Mateo had been married before but his wife sadly passed away. He always thought that if he was going to marry again it would be to a woman but it seemed that Diego had stolen his heart. 

In the academy, he was sitting on the sofa in front of Diego's siblings. He believed that he should ask all of them instead of just the one. To be honest, he was going to ask the eldest but talking to Five on his own was rather intimidating. 

However it was Klaus who decided to shout. 

"SO... Mateo... do you think that I think that you're good enough for our brother? With that chiselled jaw, muscles and those hypnotic blue eyes."

"His eyes are brown." Allison whispered to him. 

"With those hypnotic brown eyes." 

"I think that Mateo is good enough for Diego," Vanya shrugged, "maybe more than good enough for him."

"I agree." Allison nodded. 

"I think it's clear that you're more than welcome in the family." Luther smiled, bowing his head to Mateo. 

"Thanks." Mateo smiled. 

"Where is Diego anyway?" Asked Ben. 

"Taking Sofia to school."

When Diego introduced Ben to Mateo and Sofia it would seem that Sofia had found another favourite person. She instantly latched onto Ben which warmed everyone's hearts. Ben had always been a rather sweet person. 

"When are you going to ask him?" Asked Allison, not even trying to hide her excitement.

"And, more importantly, can I plan the wedding?" Klaus chimed. 

"He needs to say yes first." Luther reminded Klaus.

"We all know he's going to." Klaus sighed. 

"You got a ring?" Asked Ben. 

Mateo nodded, "it's a family heirloom."

"I'm sure Diego will love it." Vanya's smile radiated warmth. 

"Do you guys mind watching Sofia for me when I ask him. I'm going to take him somewhere nice."

"Of course we will." Five reassured. "Claire should be coming too."

"Klaus, Allison, think you can help me find the right outfit for tonight?"

"Oh Matty boy," Klaus playfully smacked his back, "I thought you'd never ask."


	36. Call Me Klaus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus starts a YouTube Channel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously this is a reference to Call Me Kevin! Easily one of my favourite YouTubers. I know that the internet doesn't actually exist in the show or comics but humour me for a secco! :))

"Hey hey hey folks! Call Me Klaus here!" 

"What are you doing?" 

"BEN!" Klaus screeched inhumanely, he slammed the mouse down on his desk in his room and threw a pillow at Ben's head. Ben ducked it flawlessly and creeped into Klaus' room, which they shared for old times sake. That and he had been dead for a while, since '06 of course. 

"So, what ya doing?" 

"I was trying to do a YouTube video." 

"Ooooh!" Ben giggled, "Need some help?" 

"Sure Benerino." Klaus smirked, "I need you to film me." 

"What are you going to be doing?" Ben eyed him cautiously, "You're not going to make me film something... dodgy are you?" 

"NO!!" Klaus scoffed, "...not this time anyway. I have a perfect idea." 

"You do realize this could kill you, right?" Ben asked, gesturing to the enormous plate of chicken wings. 

"Been there, done that, returned the T-Shirt because I would not be seen dead with that crap style." Klaus applauded himself, "Damn, I am a good chef." 

"You're really not." 

"Shhhhh." Klaus silenced him, "So, Mateo gave me some Spanish spices, and this spicy sauce some of his biker dudes use. 'Ay Caramba'?" 

"Sounds spicy." Ben shuddered. 

"And hot." Klaus murmured as he studied the bottle. "It should be fine." 

"Should being the operative word." 

"OH SWEET JESUS!" Klaus screeched wildly, slapping the table over and over, his mouth burning. "WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS GOOD IDEA?" 

Ben's hands were shaking as he filmed his brother, trying to stifle his laughter. 

"HE NEED SOME MILK." Ben threw a carton of milk over to Klaus but the steam had covered Klaus' eyes and the milk spilt all over him.   
"BEN. CHRIST ON A CRACKER!" 

"I would apologize but this is literally the funniest thing you've done." Ben wiped the tear away. 

"It's a shame I've... ate... every single... piece of chicken..." Klaus panted, trying not to close his mouth, "otherwise you'd be dead again right now." 

"Yeah, a complete shame." 

"Eat shit, Ben!" Klaus rolled on the floor, putting his tongue on the cold tiles. 

"Ew!" Ben was repulsed. "Do you have any idea what's been on the floor? Mr Pennycrumb peed there the other day." 

"Pee is better than the hellhole in my mouth right now." Klaus sighed. "You know, if I come up with any 'good' ideas... kill me." 

"As much as I would love that," Ben giggled, "I would rather watch the aftermath of one of your good ideas to be honest." 


	37. Stag Do

"I just don't get it." Klaus murmured as he laid across the bar, Ben standing over him with his arms folded over his chest, "Why is it called a Stag Do? Like where does it come from?" 

"I've already explained 3 times." Ben sighed. 

"Well you know that I'm not very clever, Benny." Klaus rolled his eyes. "Tell me again." 

"In the 14th century, people realized that hens were talking about the female of a species, not just birds." Ben explained. "That's why it's called a Hen Do, whereas males are referred to as a stag hence Stag Do." 

"Yep." Klaus nodded. "Still confused." 

"You know what," Ben shrugged his shoulders, "it doesn't matter." 

"I'm cool with that." Klaus sighed. "So, what's Diego planning for his then?" 

"He didn't really say," Ben replied, "I think Allison was planning something." 

"And they didn't come to me..." Klaus shook his head, feigning annoyance. "Well, it's their loss." 

"Hey, did you know that Stag Dos first began in the fifth century?" Ben asked. 

"How fascinating." 

"Yeah it is!" Ben's eyes lit up, "In Sparta, military comrades would host festivities for their friend's wedding on the night before-" 

Ben scowled at Klaus when he yawned on purpose, "I never understand why I tell you anything." 

"At least we come to some understanding," Klaus winked. 

The two of them turned their heads to the entry way when they heard Five throwing water bottles at the others. Klaus nodded to Ben and they trailed sneakily into the next room. 

"Fivey, what ya doing- Oof!" A water bottle hit Klaus in the stomach, "Ow! What was that for?" 

Ben managed to catch one with ease, "Thanks." 

"Care to explain, Five?" Vanya gestured to her brothers. 

"You have to hydrate, or you... die-drate." 

"Since when did you care?" Diego asked from the staircase. 

"It's a big night for you," Five folded his arms, "and I'm not allowed in the nightclub so I'll be watching the kids." 

"You think it's a wise idea to let Five watch kids?" Klaus whispered, not even a little bit quietly, to Allison and Diego. 

"He'll be fine." Luther smiled, "If anything did happen, which it isn't, Five's a trained assassin, medic and he makes a mean hot chocolate." 

"At last," Five stomped his foot, "Someone understands the complexities that is me." 

"There is a lot so are you that surprised it took so long?" 

"No." Five shook his head, "Anyhoo, you lot best get going, and have a nice time!"

"We will Mother Five." 


	38. Ring da Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S TIME FOR A MIEGO WEDDING Y'ALL

"I have never been so nervous in my LIFE!" Diego hissed at his sisters as they helped him get ready in Allison's bedroom. "Like, what if he changes his mind?" 

"I highly doubt he'll change his mind," Vanya patted his shoulder. 

Diego was sitting in front of Allison's dresser as Allison did his hair, he had his arms folded over his chest, his beard had been trimmed, he looked a little like Tony Stark, a Latino Tony Stark of course but Tony Stark all the same. 

"In the nicest way possible, bro, I can't believe that you're getting married!" Allison vibrated with excitement, "It's all so amazing!" 

"I'm glad that you're excited, sis." Diego sighed. 

"Will Mat be meeting us there?" Vanya asked, sitting herself down on the side of Allison's bed. 

"Yeah, he has quite a few cousins and they were adamant about taking him to the venue before us." Diego smirked. "A celebratory tequila apparently." 

"Oh I hope he's not drunk BEFORE the wedding!" 

"He has a high tolerance, and he said he's only having the one." 

"Mommy?" Claire's little head popped through the door, "Can I come in?" 

"Of course," Allison smiled at her as Claire sat next to Vanya on the bed, wrapping her arms around her aunt. 

"How do you think everything's going with the boys?" Vanya asked Allison. 

"Oh I'm sure they've got everything under control." 

They really didn't.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Five practically yelled at Klaus while Animal Control was busy at the wedding venue. 

Klaus shrugged whilst he did the bow on his skirt, "Releasing birds at a wedding is romantic?" 

"Not ostriches though, you dingus." Ben slapped the back of his head. 

Luther whistled for to Five, letting him know the wild birds had been escorted out of the building. Five responded by putting his thumbs up. 

"Thanks for helping clear up, Luther." Mateo patted him on the back, "My cousins would have but-"

"The alcohol hit them hard?" 

"Yeah," Mateo chuckled, "that's one way of putting it." 

"You nervous?" Luther asked. 

Mateo rubbed the back of his neck, smiling nervously, "A little. I honestly don't know why, I've done it before. I guess... I didn't expect to get married twice." 

"Allison didn't either, she turned out fine." 

"I suppose you're right." 

"Everything will be fine." Luther reassured Mateo, and himself, "You love my brother, right?"   
"Of course I do." 

"Then the hard thing's already out of the way." 

"You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for." 

"In my family, we share the brain cell around." 

Mateo laughed under his breath, "Listen, I'm just gonna check on the cousins. Do you mind checking on Di for me?" 

"Sure, man." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm splitting the wedding in different bits so here's the first part, with chaos included ofc!


	39. The Cousins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the wedding, after the vows.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband! You may kiss your husband!" 

"Gladly," Diego winked, letting himself get pulled into Mateo's chest, his new spouse. 

"Are you crying?" Klaus nudged Ben in the ribs. 

"You know I cry at weddings!" Ben sniffled. 

"You've never been one though." 

"SHHH!" 

"Oh, our baby brother is married!" Allison squealed, bouncing Claire on her knee. "Next will be babies! And! I don't know!" 

"Whoop!" Vanya clapped. "Yay to love!" 

Mateo may have been an only child but that didn't mean he didn't have cousins. Mateo had several aunts and uncles therefore he had a lot more cousins. At the reception, after the meal and speeches, Mateo introduced the Umbrella Academy to his cousins. 

"Ah, cousin!" One of the older cousins, a man with a neat, curled mustache, slapped Mateo's back and chuckled uproariously, "You have joined the club, I am very happy for you." 

"Thank you, Pablo." Mateo smiled graciously. 

Pablo was the oldest of all of Mateo's cousins. He had his own wife, Yurena, and 4 daughters of his own: Liliana, Angelina, Maya and Lucia. 

The next cousin to approach, hugged Vanya and Allison wholeheartedly, 

"Ah, Julian!" Mateo exclaimed, "Long time, no see!" 

"Cousin!" Julian was a little bit merry, too many of Uncle Jorge's drinks. "Your new family is very beautiful." 

Julian had been married to his wife, Maria, for several years now. They had 2 children. A son named Luis and a daughter named Elena. Next was Julian's sister, Isla. She and her wife, Ana, had adopted twin boys named Leo and Hugo. Julian and Ana's little brother, Javier, had quintuplets. Identical girls. They were named: Lola, Mila, Quinn, Rosalyn and Ciara. 

"I don't have time to introduce you to everyone," Mateo laughed to the Umbrella Academy, "you'd have to give me a year." 

"You have quite the family," Allison nodded, "and they're all so lovely." 

"Thank you, Allison, although it would mean that we're all family now." 

Mateo looked around and noticed that Diego was nowhere to be seen, "Hmm." 

Then, he turned his head to the balcony area outside of the french doors and noticed that Diego was leaning against the wall, looking out to the night sky. 

"Ah," Mateo made him jump from behind, "Sorry, mi amor," 

"Mat," Diego sighed, "I didn't hear you." 

"What are you doing out here on your own?" Mateo put a hand on his shoulder, joining his side. "I figured you'd be having a drink with Klaus." 

"I just needed some air." Diego confessed, "I have a lot on my mind." 

"Need to talk?" 

"I suppose." Diego answered, frowning sadly. "Did you want your parents here today?" 

"Of course I did." Mateo replied, "Yet, just because they aren't here anymore doesn't mean that I don't carry them with me." 

"I never had that with my father." Diego looked to the sky. "He never wanted us, he just wanted to use us." 

"You really believe that?" 

"Yeah." 

"Di," Mateo whispered to him, putting a hand on his cheek, "You don't have to prove yourself to me. I don't want you to believe that you're not worthy of just being you." 

"God, I love you so much." 

"I love you too, husband." 

"Husband?" Diego smiled to himself. "I quite like the sound of that." 

"You're going to love it more in Barcelona." 

"That's where we're going?!" 

"You like that?" 

"I always wanted to go there." 

"Well," Mateo budged closer to him, "If you want, we can make a pitstop in Mexico on the way back?" 

"You know, I've never actually been there."  
"No?" 

"No." 

"Well, I want to see where you were from." 

"You know that I don't actually know that, right?" 

"Good point." 

"Still." Diego shrugged, "We should enjoy this night and then we can decide all that later on." 

"Good idea, let's have cake." 

"That sounds good." 


	40. Uncle Klaus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus babysits Claire and Sofia

Whilst Diego and Mateo were on their honeymoon, the Umbrella Academy offered to watch over Sofia. 

On this particular day, everyone else was busy and it seemed that only Klaus was available to watch over Sofia and Claire, his niece was also staying so... who's brilliant idea was it to let Klaus of all people to watch two little girls? 

Klaus was sitting on the sofa, swirling the steaming coffee in his mug, his gaze frozen into the distance. 

"Uncle Klaus?" Claire called out to him, waving her hand in front of his face. 

"Yep?" 

Claire looked to and from Klaus and Sofia, "Me and Sofie were just wondering... could you lend us some money so we can get some coke?" 

Klaus, wide eyed, stared at his niece but he shrugged and gave in, "Sure, how much?" 

"1.25 please." Sofia whispered to Claire who then relayed it to Klaus. 

"Wow, coke is so much cheaper now than back in my day..." 

"The drink, Klaus." Ben shook his head at his brother from the doorway. "Jeez." 

"...That makes so much more sense." 


	41. Hugs and Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a request, hope you enjoy!

Dark was the night, the chill blew in from the small crack of the window, the stars laid dormant in the black sky. Far above, almost in another world, the moon shone dimly. 

Luther could remember when they were children that Five often seemed isolated, sometimes even more so than Vanya. Everyone else was on one floor whilst Five's room was on the top floor, all by himself. 

Five didn't always care. 

In fact, he cherished it. 

Luther was ashamed to admit it but sometimes when they were children, he was glad when Five was away doing his own thing. He could remember one thing though. Once, when everyone else was studying, Five was completing his scheduled training session with their father. Luther could remember his own; Reginald wanted him to be the best he could be. It wasn't always clear who Reginald saw as the best. Sometimes it was Luther and sometimes it was Five. Everyone else could see that they were nothing more than experiments, not Luther though. He could now but he didn't then. 

Anyway, Luther remembered hearing shouting from the ground floor when they were studying. It wasn't quite clear just who was shouting. Hiding behind the door to his bedroom, Luther looked through and saw Reginald carrying Five. Five was hanging in his arms like a rag doll, a gash on his forehead and blood slowly dripping from his nose. Luther never asked Five or their father what had happened, he didn't dare to. Five gradually became more distant, he convinced himself that he was the best. 

Luther's power had always been simple. Five's, on the other hand, were complex and he had the ability to be the most powerful being. Luther often wondered what Five could have been capable of if he hadn't ran away that day. 

Luther was walking up the stairs to his bedroom when he heard the sound of muffled, strangled yelling. He quickened his pace and soon came across Allison who had the same look of bewilderment on her face. 

"What's that noise?" He asked her. 

"I think it's coming from Five's bedroom." 

The two of them speed walked up the stairs to the top floor. The sound of Mr Pennycrumb scratching at the door to Five's bedroom. Allison opened the door and gasped as she and Luther saw Five writhing in his bed. 

"What the hell-"

"He's having a nightmare." Luther stated. "Do we wake him?" 

"I'll try." Allison said, gulping. She approached his bed and touched his arm, what neither of them were expecting was Five to snap his eyes opened and fight back, he was zoned out, like he wasn't here. Allison tried to hold him but Five slashed his hand through the air, scratching Allison's cheek. 

"ow!" Allison yelped, dropping Five. She put a hand to her face. "Luther hold him down! I'll get something to calm him." 

Luther nodded, a look of fear flashing on his face, he swapped places with his sister and tried to hold Five down. Five wasn't slowing down. Luther tried to keep himself calm as well as his brother. He had never seen Five like this. 

Allison soon came back, blood staining her cheek. She was carrying a needle, "It's a sedative." 

"I'll hold him." Luther carried on pushing Five down on his bed. Mr Pennycrumb was whimpering beside the foot of the bed. 

Five laid back down on the bed, calmer. Luther breathed out a sigh of relief, sitting himself down on the windowsill. Allison, shaking slightly, sat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand to a cheek. Her eyes were moist. 

"You okay?" 

Allison nodded, looking down at her hands. 

Luther looked at Five's face, he sometimes forgot that he wasn't a young boy but an old man who had seen so much more than him, probably more than he ever would. 

"I've never... Oh Five." Allison looked numb. 

"He's been through a lot. He doesn't talk about it." 

"You know he didn't mean it, right?" 

"Yeah." Allison sighed. "Yeah, I know. If he asks... what do I say?" 

"Tell him the truth." Luther suggested. "He'll appreciate you telling the truth rather than lying about him." 

Allison nodded, she looked out to the window, Mr Pennycrumb sat himself down beside her feet. Allison smiled softly and ruffled his ears. "You look after him, don't you?" 

"Bork!" 

"Good boy." 


	42. Life is Strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was actually a request, so hope you enjoy!

It was customary for Five to go and take a walk with Mr Pennycrumb outside of the academy. 

On this day, he noticed that a lot of teenagers were looking at him as he walked through the park. 

"What a preppie." 

"Look at those shorts!" 

"Cute dog, though!" 

Five mentally had to talk himself into not starting to kill anyone. It wasn't like he enjoyed it. He just hated being called a kid. He understood why... it didn't mean he had to like it. 

"Hi!" 

Five jumped, a girl was standing next to him. 

"...Hello." Five slowly looked to the side. 

"I'm Milly." She introduced herself. "Sorry, I couldn't help but notice... Has anyone ever said that you look like that Umbrella Academy kid?" 

Well, Five was not expecting that. 

"Huh?" 

"The uniform?" Milly gestured. "Sorry, I couldn't help it. My sister is OBSESSED. She think he's really good looking. I'm like he'd be 30! Except he went missing, ya know." 

Five bit his lip, he let her ramble on. 

"Personally I'm a Seance kinda girl." 

Five nodded, "Oh, right." 

"He's so cool!" Milly clapped her hands together, "Oh, I never got your name." 

"It's Five- Fivel. I'm Fivel." 

"Fivel?" 

"Yeah, my parents liked that movie." 

"Cool." Milly smiled brightly, showing her crooked teeth. "I'm a bit of an Umbrella Academy fanatic, I studying those comics so hard. I've read all of the appropriate newspapers and stuff."

Five and Milly walked passed a group of teens, one of them, a taller, broader girl, put her foot out, causing Milly to trip up.

"Shove it, Hopkins." 

"Hey!" Milly turned around, Five knitted his eyebrows together. 

"Oh look, Hopkins has a boyfriend." 

Five shook his head. He felt himself being pulled back by his blazer, he jumped forward, his blazer coming off. Five growled. 

"I suggest that you young people go about your business." Five eyed them darkly. 

The leader of the group scoffed, "Beat it short stack." 

"Well," Five cracked his knuckles, he passed the leash to Milly, "Look after Mr Pennycrumb for me." 

Five smirked and went to punch the leader in the face, "I think you've just pissed me off."

Milly watched with fascination. 

She spent almost every hour of the day scrolling through Tumblr, looking at fanfiction, writing fanfiction and finally she was able to witness something like it'd come from a piece of paper. That's when she noticed the tattoo on the boy's arm. 

"No way..." She whispered. 

It couldn't possibly be... 

"And stay gone!" Five panted, he watched the teens run off, clutching injured body parts. He turned his attention back to the girl. "I'm sorry you had to see that, kid." 

"YOU'RE NUMBER FIVE!" 

"Erm..." Five smirked, rubbing the back of his neck, "yeah... you got me." 

"OH MY GOD!" Milly screeched with excitment, "No way no way NO WAY!" 

"Listen, I have to run but it was nice to meet you." 

Before Milly could react, Five had picked up his blazer and took Mr Pennycrumb and blinked away.   
"no wait!" She shouted, "Don't go! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!" 


	43. Craving Raving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes clubbing

"I don't think this is the greatest idea." Ben whispered to Klaus.

The pair of then were standing outside of a club downtown. Klaus had dragged his brother out of the academy to "live and let live" as he do poetically put it. 

"Come on!" Klaus smirked. "You've never done anything like this."

"Techincally I have."

"Being my ghost hoe doesn't count." Klaus patted Ben's shoulder. "Listen, you don't have to go in there for long. Hell you don't even have to drink. Just have fun."

Yeah... the whole "you don't have to drink" thing... didn't last long. 

Ben had never done anything like this. Mostly because he had been dead but he was an introvert. His idea of a fun Friday night was sitting in his bed with a hot chocolate and a good book. Klaus had always been the opposite. Ben would have never rolled a joint at the breakfast table like Klaus had done on several occasions. 

Ben was so full of alcohol that he forgot that Klaus was there in the club with him. 

The memories of that night blurred into one. 

The last few things he remembered was talking to this girl, she was sweet. 

Then he remembered leaving the club, helping her get home. 

Then.... that left him to now.

Opening his eyes, he turned his head towards the window. He snapped up, falling out of bed. It wasn't his bed and this wasn't his bedroom. 

"Huh?"

Ben gasped, he was completely naked... and so was the girl in the bed. 

"No no no!" He swore under his breath. "Did I-?"

Klaus was not gonna let him live it down. 


	44. Five and Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison and Luther deal with Five.  
> Klaus and Diego deal with Ben. 
> 
> Five and Ben aren't happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while guys! Been moving to university! I'll try and post more regularly and everything is gonna blow up soon with new characters and family shenanigans!

Sitting upright in the bed, Five looked sheepishly out of his window, his hand remaining on Mr Pennycrumb's head. 

He was so embarrassed, and ashamed. He hated feeling like this. He could feel Allison's eyes on him from her place on his bed, and Luther's eyes from the doorway. Despite his negative state, his siblings looked worried and concerned. 

"Five," Allison said softly, "you can talk to us, you know." 

Five nodded his head slightly but didn't say anything. Allison looked to Luther and she could see, as clear as day, that he didn't know what to do but she did. She had a child, she knew what she had to do to make her brother feel better, to feel safer. Allison budged closer to him and put her arms around him. Five didn't object, he simply dropped his head against her chest. 

"It wasn't just a nightmare, was it?" She whispered.

Five hesitated but eventually closed his eyes and sighed. "It felt real." 

"Of course it did." 

"Do you need to talk about what happened?" Luther asked. "Because you don't have to but if you do, we're here. We're listening. You don't have to be afraid anymore." 

Five's face was absent of any emotion, his eyes looked hollow. 

"When I was in the future... I found your bodies." Five knew that his siblings already knew but he had to say something, anything to clear his head. "I never found Dad's or Vanya's or Ben's. I should have guessed that something wasn't right about that." 

"Five, you can't blame yourself for that." 

"What would have happened if I stayed? If I didn't run away, the apocalypse might have never happened in the first place..." 

Allison stroked her fingers through his hair, "Hey, you can't be responsible for the fate of the entire world. You focus on one thing at a time." 

"She's right, Five." Luther added. "Sometimes you can't save everyone." 

Five nodded, closing his eyes as he rested his head against his sister. 

"NO WAY!" 

Luther and Allison's heads snapped to the doorway where they could hear Klaus cackle from his and Ben's bedroom. 

"Want to see what he's up to?" Allison asked Luther. "I can stay with Five." 

"Yeah..." Luther mumbled, already out into the hallway. 

Klaus' hysterical giggles gradually grew louder and louder as Luther wandered to the door to the bedroom, he knocked on the door and was surprised to see Diego already in there with Ben and Klaus. 

"What's going on, here?" Luther asked suspiciously. 

Diego and Ben eyed each other worringly and proceeded to cover Klaus' mouth before he sprouted nonsense... which would actually be the truth but that's by the by. 

"Well?" 

"Wanna explain?" Diego asked Ben who was sweating pinballs. 

"B--- lo--- his ---inity!" Klaus managed to mumble out but Luther wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. 

"Huh?" 

"It doesn't matter!" Ben sighed dramatically.

"It kinda does..." Klaus smirked. "Well, well, well, it seems I'm getting a taste of Dave's Ja Vu."

"What?" Diego slowly turned to Klaus with a confused look on his face. "Do you mean Deja Vu?"

"Burrito Burriato." Klaus flapped his hand. "Point is... I believe that Luther found himself in a similar predicament that Ben has found himself in now. With me, Klaus, being the same in both sitches." 

"Just spill the beans, man." 

"KLAUS" "Ben popped his Cherry Tango!" 

"Fuck's sake!" Ben swore, throwing his hands in the air. 

Diego and Luther looked between Ben and Klaus meanwhile Vanya and Allison gasped sharply from the bedroom doorway. 


	45. Oa

"You... had sex? With a woman?" Diego put his hand up, asking for a high five off of Ben but Klaus dived in instead. 

"I don't remember any of it." Ben admitted sheepishly. "I remember, vaguely, getting in bed with her." 

"Did you at least consent?" Luther asked. 

Ben nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. Klaus patted his back, "Safety first, Benny boy."

"I remember going to the club with Klaus, we had a few drinks..."

_Then I was sitting in a booth in the corner of the room, there was this girl, she looked really pretty. She looked a bit like Jill._

**_Who's Jill?_ **

_No one._

_Anyway, I was sitting there, she noticed me and walked on over. I was a bit nervous, I had never spoken to a girl before. I don't remember much about the night, but I remember her smile, her voice was so... nice. I found myself actually calmer just listening to her._

**_Then what?_ **

_She made me get up and dance with her, I did. It was weird. Somehow, we went back to her apartment-_

**_Yeah, I couldn't find you, I figured you were okay._ **

_I was._

**_Klaus, you left him on his own? In a club?_ **

_I was fine, Diego. Anyway, I must have fallen asleep but we were both... ya know, naked._

**_How do you feel?_ **

_Weirdly okay._

**_And what was her name?_ **

"Oa." Ben sighed. "I remember that. Her name was Oa." 

_Oa had beautiful chocolate skin, her hair was dyed blue and shaved on one side. On her right side she had a tattoo of an octopus, on her shoulder she had a butterfly and a rose on her ankle._

_"The octopus is for me, the butterfly is my sister and the rose is my mom."_

_"They look really nice."_

_"You're sweet." Her silky voice sounded soft as she put a hand on Ben's cheek, "We don't have to do this if you don't want to."_

_"...I've never... done it before."_

_"You haven't?"_

_Ben shook his head, he looked ashamed with himself._

_"That's okay, hon, I can show you. Lie down, please tell me if I'm hurting you."_

_"O...okay."_

_"You can say no." She reiterated. "I'll understand."_

_"It's okay." Ben calmed himself._

_"This is your first time."_

_"No, I've been nervous before."_

_Oa chuckled when Ben shook his head, realizing what she meant._

_"Do you want my number after this?"_

_"I don't have a phone... you could right it on my hand?"_

_"Good idea."_


	46. Family Groupchat

_KingSeance has entered the chat_

**KingSeance:** Does anyone know where I could get wallpaper from? 

_RumourGirl300 entered the chat_

**RumourGirl300:** What do you need wallpaper for? 

**KingSeance:** I'm thinking of decorating the room, what does purple say? 

_Number Five has entered the chat_

**Number Five:** Nothing. It's a colour. 

**RumourGirl300:** I think he was being metaphorical. 

**Number Five** : Does Klaus even know what metaphorical means? 

**KingSeance** : Yeah, I do as it goes. I may be stupid but I can be clever. 

**Number Five** : That contradicts yourself. 

**KingSeance** : Well, 5 you can contradict yourself in your little baby face. Jk. You know i love u

_Number Five has left the chat._

_JFKLover63 has entered the chat_

**JFKLover63:** Has Klaus changed my name again? 

**RumourGirl30** 0: Mayhaps. He's annoying everyone today. 

**KingSeance** : I'm just doing my civic duty, sis. 

**RumourGirl300** : It's not the same here without you bro

**JFKLover63** : We should be coming up soon, we have some news 

**KingSeance** : Oh, do tell? 

**RumourGirl300** : Spill

_SevenStrings has entered the chat_

**SevenStrings** : Guys, I think Five's raided the pop tarts again

**KingSeance** : Vanny! Shh, girl, Diego has news

**JFKLover63** : Not yet, guys, we'll come up on Sunday and explain. 

**RumourGirl300** : You can't leave me hanging! 

**JFKLover** : You'll have to wait. I've gotta go and pick Sofe from school. 

**SevenStrings** : See you Sunday! 

**KingSeance** : Bye Di!

**RumourGirl300** : It's all so exciting! 

WeAreNumberOne entered the chat

**WeAreNumberOne** : Who ate all the pop tarts? 

**KingSeance** : Well, hello Luther, nice to see you too.

**WeAreNumberOne** : Right, sorry, hey guys, who ate the pop tarts?

**SevenStrings** : Five

Number Five has entered the chat

**Number Five** : Your evidence? 

**SevenStrings:** The empty box is in your bin

Number Five has left the chat

**WeAreNumberOne** : Told ya

OctoBoy666 has entered the chat

**OctoBoy666** : Hey y'all

**SevenStrings** : Hey Ben

**RumourGirl300** : Hi Ben!! 

**KingSeance** : Benny boi

**OctoBoy666** : Does anyone know where a good place for food is? 

**KingSeance** : The kitchen

**RumourGirl300** : In what way? 

**OctoBoy666** : Like a date-y way. 

**SevenStrings** : You have a date?!

**OctoBoy666** : Yep

**WeAreNumberOne** : There's a good Italian place up the road. 

**RumourGirl300** : And who is the lucky girl? 

**KingSeance:** CherryPopper69

**OctoBoy666** :... F you Klaus

**KingSeance** : Hehe

KingSeance left the chat

**WeAreNumberOne** : Five's burning down the kitchen, I'll go set it out. 

**RumourGirl300** : Have fun! 

WeAreNumberOne left the chat

**SevenStrings** : I better go and help. See ya. 

SevenStrings left the chat

**OctoBoy666:** Yeah, so the reason that I'm meeting up with her is because she has something to tell me. 

**RumourGirl300:** Is it bad? 

**OctoBoy666** : I'm not sure, she didn't say but she sounded worried on the phone. 

**RumourGirl300** : I'm sure that she's okay. Good luck bro xx 

**OctoBoy666** : Thanks sis xx 

OctoBoy666 left the chat

RumourGirl300 left the chat


	47. Until Death Do We Part

Some goodbyes aren't easy, they hurt and make your heart tremble inside in your chest and for some time later you feel hollow, like there's a part of you that's missing.

Allison, in her mind, hadn't ever been as scared as she was when she sat in a white, pristine waiting room of the hospital she was currently inside of. Ever since they had returned from the 60s, unbeknownst to her family, she had been tracking someone down. A part of her wished that he was dead so that she didn't have to see him wither away in front of her but as she sat there, her hands resting on her knees, she knew that she just had to see him, her beloved Ray. 

"Ms. Hargreeves?" A nurse grabbed her from the void she was falling down, "You can see him now." 

"Thank you." Allison muttered, standing to her feet. 

Time seemed to slow down as she walked down the corridor of the hospital. She hated hospitals, they reminded her of the training rooms in the academy for some reason. Last time she was in one she was trying to find Vanya, back in 2019. Didn't exactly end well for her. 

The nurse opened the door and Allison could hear the sound of beeping, she held her breath as she walked inside. Her heart stopped as she saw him, wrinkles covering his face, his skin much paler and shallower than it had been when she last saw him. For her it had been months, for him... decades. 

"You have a visitor, Mr Chestnut." The nurse nodded to Allison and left to offer them privacy. 

Allison bit her lip and sat herself down on the chair beside the bed, she studied her husband's face and smiled softly as he opened his eyes, revealing those beautiful orbs that she had greatly missed. 

"Hey," Allison whispered, "Ray, it's me."

Ray looked up at her, confusion covering his face for a moment before smiling, his old face crinkling. "...is it really you, Allison?" 

"It's me." Allison blinked away the tears. She put her hand over his and rubbed his hand with her thumb. 

"You haven't aged a day," Ray's voice was firmer now but the warmth remained, his eyes sparkled as he scanned her face, his hand trembled as he brought it to her cheek. "I never forgot you, thought about you every single day... not a minute went by when I didn't think about your smile." 

Allison felt a tear roll down her cheek, "I thought... I thought that I'd never see you again." 

Ray smiled, he looked into her eyes and felt peaceful, "You're so beautiful." 

"I don't know what to say," Allison laughed under her breath, "I thought about what I would say when I saw you again but now that I'm here, I don't know." 

"Then don't say anything," Ray whispered, "come here."

Allison carefully moved and sat herself on the bed and put herself against his chest, the sound of the monitor becoming quiet as she put her head against his chest, closing her eyes. 

"You remember that song," Ray whispered, "that one you would listen to on the record player, and you'd dance around, singing along?" 

Allison nodded. 

"I put it on sometimes when I was missing you, when I wanted to see your smile." Ray hummed, "I'm glad that I got to see it one last time." 

"I love you, Ray, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else." Allison resisted the urge to break down. "I don't want to let you go now that I have you back." 

"Allison," Ray put a hand on her head, "there won't be anywhere you can go where I won't be with you, ya hear me? I'll always be by your side." 

Allison lifted herself up and wrapped her arms around him, "I wish I had longer with you." 

"Remember what I said, I'll take my year I had with you over a lifetime with anyone else. I promised you that." 

"I promise that too." Allison planted her lips against his head, "I don't know how to say goodbye." 

"You don't need to," he whispered, "I know. I'll be waiting for you." 

Allison felt herself freeze when she felt him go back against the pillows on his bed, closing his eyes one last time, the world around her grew quiet and still. She didn't say anything, only felt a tear roll down her cheek as she gathered him into her arms, rocking him as he fell asleep one last time. 


	48. OctoPup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben dogsits

When Five asked Ben to watch over Mr Pennycrumb, surprised was an understatement. Ben couldn't remember the last time he had properly seen a dog, he often sees Mr Pennycrumb wander around the academy but never too far from Five.

A few hours after, Five returned back to the academy with a bemused look on his usually stoic face. He sighed and shoved his hands into the pocket of his blazer. Walking through the entrance he could hear the sound of giggling, he turned around the corner and saw Ben sitting on the sofa of the living room with his tentacle wrapped around Mr Pennycrumb. The puppy was much bigger than he was when Five first brought him home but he looked so small on the sofa. 

"Hey," Five said behind Ben, Mr Pennycrumb yelped. 

"Hi, Five." Ben smiled. "You had a good day." 

"Not too bad, yourself?" 

"Ah," Ben shrugged, "hey, could I ask you for some advice?" 

"Of course." Five sat himself down on the sofa. "What can I do you for?" 

Ben stroked Mr Pennycrumb, who had settled himself down in his lap, with a sad look on his face. "Have you ever done anything stupid and it changed your life?" 

"Well, yeah. Went forward and got stuck in time."

"Oh yeah." Ben laughed under his breath, "Well, I've kinda done something... bad." 

"Oh?"   
"Something that's not like me." 

"Care to explain?"

"If I do, you cannot tell anyone." 

"I pinky promise." Five showed his hand. "OK." Five nodded, sitting forward in his seat, opposite his brother who was still on the floor. "Go ahead." 

"That girl, the one I went with." 

"Went with as in-?" 

"Yeah." Ben cleared up. 

Ben locked his pinky, "Okay, so, I met up with her the other day and she had some news, apparently she's... pregnant."

Five blinked. "Pregnant?" 

"Yeah," Ben looked away ashamed. "I don't know what to do." 

"Well, what does your heart tell you?" 

"Mostly that I'm an idiot. Or that would be Klaus when he finds out." 

"I don't think he'll be like that." Five reassured. "He makes fun of you but he knows when to not to. He's your best friend too. Why did you come to me first?" 

"We were close before you left and I... well, died." Ben explained. 

"Fair enough." Five chuckled. 


	49. The Godfather

"You come to me on the day of... someone's wedding..." Klaus spun the chair in their father's office to face Ben who was standing in front of the desk with a concerned look on his face. 

"Yo, bro." Klaus held his fist out for a fist bump, "You good?" 

"Well, I do have to talk to you about something, Klaus."

"You sound serious..." Klaus raised an eyebrow, "Everything okay?" 

"I mean, sorta." Ben shrugged. "You know about... mine and Oa's situation." 

"Oa?" 

"The girl I-" 

"Oh, that Oa." Klaus nodded, "I do recall."

"Well, I've told everyone else. I think the reason I've been worried and scared so much is because I haven't told you."

"That she's pregnant." Klaus finished for him. 

"Who told you?" Ben gasped, sitting himself down on top of the desk. 

"Who do ya think?" 

"Allison." Ben sighed, shaking his head. "This is why the Rumor shouldn't be told shit."

"You don't need to worry, brother." Klaus smiled. "I think it's great." 

"You do?" 

"Yeah." Klaus answered sincerely. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know." Ben replied, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's you. We take the piss out of each other for literally everything."

"Yeah but this isn't something to joke about."

"Oa was contemplating... whether or not having the baby in the first place." Ben explained. "I told her that if she didn't want the baby she didn't have to. Her body, you know."

"That's good of you." 

"Well, she is keeping it." Ben cleared up. "And due to that, the baby'll need someone to have watch over them."

"You want me?"

"Who else would be better than my best friend?" 

"Best friend?" 

"We've been stuck together for years, Klaus, through it all, no matter how much you've annoyed me and I've annoyed you... you're my best friend." 

"That's a good song."

"Huh?" 

"Queen." Klaus giggled, "You know, _You're My Best Friend!"_

"I'm guessing that's a yes?" 

"Oui oui mon ami!" 


	50. Book Club

"My name's Klaus and I'm an alcho-"

"You can't do that every damn time, Klaus." 

"Feck off, Ben." 

"Guys," Allison sighed, "Can we just get this thing on the road?" 

"Agreed." Five cleared his throat, sitting beside him on the sofa was Milly, the girl that he had taken under his wing. 

Luther and Diego were sitting on the sofa opposite with Mateo sitting on the arm of the sofa, leaning against Diego. 

"Okay, what's the book?" Diego asked. 

"This week," Oa began to explain from beside Ben, "we're going to read Charlie and the Chocolate factory."

"That's a little... young?" Luther shrugged, not being able to come up with a better word. 

"I'd rather do a review on the films." Klaus rolled his eyes, "Oh wait, I have, links in the description." 

"Klaus, this is a verbal conversation."

"Always have to ruin the fun Diego." 

Mateo cut in, "I've seen it Klaus, it's rather interesting. I like the comparison of the films to the book you made."

"Oh the fact that some people slate the 2005 film even though it's more faithful to the book? Oh and that Felicity Dahl, Roald's wife, was an executive producer on the film to make sure they didn't make the same mistakes the '71 version did. Oh and that she knew Burton was the right choice when he made the Bucket house look like Roald Dahl's old writing shed because that was how Roald pictured it when he wrote the book? Oh and that they changed Charlie's character in the original film and that Roald Dahl didn't even like the original film because his ideas were shunted. Yeah sure he was credited for writing the screenplay but didn't actually write it. Music wise, Danny Elfman using the lyrics from the book? Stroke of genius. Another stroke of genius was the show-don't-tell thing with the storytelling." Klaus finished with a sigh, "The only thing I don't like with either film is that the Square Sweets that Look Round scene is missing from both. I LOVE that bit in the book." 

"...So... Coraline? For next week?" 


	51. The Time When Klaus went the Book Store

"What did you need from the book store anyway, Uncle Klaus?" Sofia asked Klaus as they walked hand in hand down the street. 

"I'm trying to find a book for the baby." He shrugged. 

"Do you think it'll be a girl or a boy?" 

"Hmm." Klaus hummed. "No idea. Shall we bet on it?" 

Should Klaus be making bets with children in elementary school? Probably not. 

"I think it's a boy." 

"I think it's a girl." 

"$20?" 

"Where do you have $20?" 

"Why don't you?" 

Klaus gasped, he needed the aloe vera 'cos he be scorched. Sofia giggled, putting her hand in front of her mouth. She skipped along the road. 

"Ah, what the hell!" Klaus decided to join in. 

Klaus opened the door to the bookstore, holding it open for the little girl. Sofia swooped in and laughed as she ran over to the kid's corner. 

"Hello, sir." The enthusiastic clerk greeted, "How can I help you today?" 

"Erm, I'm trying to find a book on turtles?" 

"Hardback?" 

"Yeah, with the little heads." 


	52. TikTok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus teaches the oldest of the family a TikTok Dance

"No!" 

The day started like any other day in the Hargreeves household. Luther would wake up first and start cooking breakfast with the help of Allison. Vanya would get up afterwards and head off to work to teach the violin. Five would go and walk Mr Pennycrumb with Millie before she headed off to school. Diego, in his home, would assist Mateo with their breakfast. And Ben would do whatever the hell Ben wanted to, but he mostly helped Oa out. 

Five arrived back at the academy with Mr Pennycrumb in tow, he would put his leash up on the coat hooks and then grab his newspaper and sit in the living room to read it. However, when he entered the living room that day he was presented with the sight of Klaus listening to some hip music like the whippersnapper he was. 

"What are you doing?" 

"What does it look like?" Klaus gritted his teeth as he tried to do the splits on the floor. 

"I don't think I can say, this chapter is PG-13." 

"What?" 

"What?" Five repeated, sitting himself down on the armchair. 

Klaus snapped his fingers, "Lightbulb!" 

"No." 

"Please."

"No."

"Oh come on, dance with you bro!" 

"I said no, Klaus." 

Klaus grumbled under his breath, "Please."  
"If I say yes, will you not ask me for anything else this week." 

"Unless-"  
"Unless it's if I want a coffee which I will always say yes too." 

"Fair enough." 

About half an hour later, Vanya walked into the room with a bemused look on her face as she saw Klaus and Five attempt the step up challenge." 

"What the hell is this?" Five threw his hands up. 

"No!" Klaus yelped. "It's this, then that, then this again." 

"Back in my day, we wouldn't dance like this." Five shook his head. 

"Fine, let's do," Klaus jumped on his spot, " _somebody come get herrrrr, she dancing like a striperrrrrr."_


End file.
